1. Home
  2. Chat
  3. Chit Chat, Facts, Jokes, Random facts and Smiles :)

Chit Chat, Facts, Jokes, Random facts and Smiles :)

Other

Had a de-clutter and moved to a 'house' but things are just the same, a smile a day πŸ™‚

lilyflower
9 months ago
What do you think of this?
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
13 days ago

Happy Easter everyone Lynibis MrsCraig sunny101 Jasmine111 gerrykelly25 Ann1984 TheChimp Some short smiles today πŸ™‚

What should you do to prepare for all the Easter treats? Eggs-ercise

What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny

What do you get when you pour hot water into a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies

How does an Easter Bunny keep his fur looking so good? Hare spray

What do you call an Easter Bunny who gets kicked out of school? Egg-spelled

What do you call an Easter egg from outer space? An egg-straterrestrial

What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick

What day does an Easter egg hate the most? Fry-days

How do you know the Easter Bunny is really smart? Because he's an egghead.

Like
Reply
3
Jasmine111
Jasmine11112 days ago

Thanks dear for the smile πŸ˜ƒ nice one as usual have a great day 😊

Like
Reply
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly2512 days ago

Happy Easter lilyflower! Many thanks for the seasonal smiles. Hope you are having good weather? It’s so nice to get outside again

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine11112 days ago

Good morning everyone I am so happy today super happy don’t ask me it’s a personal πŸ˜ƒ Image 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

Like
Reply
2
heatherduthie
heatherduthie12 days ago

Good morning all and Jasmine111 Glad to see you are having a great day. HAPPY EASTER to everyone. Hope you all have a lovely weekend 🐣

Like
Reply
1
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
12 days ago

Jasmine111 Pleased you are ok and happy, even if you are teasing us as to why. Are you the UK Euro Millions Lottery winner from last night?

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine11112 days ago

heatherduthie Good morning dear yes thanks dear I am having great day today Happy Easter dear have a wonderful day πŸ˜Šβ£οΈπŸ™πŸ»

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine11112 days ago

lilyflower yes dear I won something but it’s a secret thanks for your reply that’s make me more happy it’s like all SUNSHINE came in UK and Saying have a great day to me I hope you’re will understand after reading my comment take care dear going for shopping will be back soon Happy Easter weekend πŸ’

Like
Reply
2
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
12 days ago

Jasmine111 I'm very happy for you, your happiness comes over in your comments. Don't get carried away with shopping, I'm also going shopping - for eggs and milk πŸ™‚

Like
Reply
1
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly2512 days ago

That’s nice to hear Jasmine111, whatever the reason!

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine11112 days ago

gerrykelly25 Thanks dear take care have a great weekend Happy Easter πŸ˜ŠπŸ’

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine11112 days ago

lilyflower Thanks dear πŸ˜ŠπŸ’

Like
Reply
Jasmine111
Jasmine11111 days ago

Good morning lilyflower just came here to wish youβ€˜re all Happy Easter Image

Like
Reply
1
TheChimp
TheChimp10 days ago

Morning lilyflower gerrykelly25 Jasmine111 and all.

Hope you are having a good Easter Monday

Don't you just hate scammers and not getting what you paid for?

I recently asked the local carpenter to come to the house and make me and MrsChimp a new double bed.

'No problem', he said.

Just went to check to see how he was getting on and he'd only gone and done a bunk.

πŸ˜‰

Like
Reply
2
Jasmine111
Jasmine1119 days ago

TheChimp Good afternoon bit late busy as usual for me I hope you’re had good Easter Sunday and today aswell I did read your comment so strange about Carpenter take care 😊

Like
Reply
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly2510 days ago

Good morning TheChimp et al. Nice smile!

On the theme of carpenters:

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself.

But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife.

So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

Like
Reply
4
TheChimp
TheChimp10 days ago

gerrykelly25 I don't know which one is worse, yours or mine πŸ˜„

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine1119 days ago

gerrykelly25 Good afternoon dear I hope you’re had a good time yesterday nice smile thanks 😊

Like
Reply
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly259 days ago

Jasmine111 it’s been a nice weekend. The weather helped! Have spent all day today catching up on competitions so I’m waiting for the prizes to start arriving soon! Hope you are still feeling happy?

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine1119 days ago

gerrykelly25 That’s great hopefully you’re will win something 😊 yes dear I am happy even more πŸ˜ƒjust been busy these days reading some books didn’t read before more shocking stories please don’t ask me name of book it’s a secret πŸ˜ƒtake care nice to see your reply have a lovely afternoon πŸ˜ŠπŸ’πŸ˜ƒ

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine1119 days ago

gerrykelly25 I edit my comment now they having problem i comment here I am sorry dear gerrykelly25 πŸ˜ŠπŸ™πŸ»

Like
Reply
2
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly259 days ago

Jasmine111 don’t take any notice of people who are rude or hurtful. This isn’t what this site is about. Keep posting your deals!

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine1119 days ago

gerrykelly25 Thanks dear I just ignore them this morning thanks have a lovely day day dear 😊

Like
Reply
1
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
10 days ago

Morning TheChimp gerrykelly25 Ann1984 Jasmine111 sunny101 MrsCraig Lynibis Nice and sunny but cold in County Durham. Smile of the day, it's as good as the previous two πŸ™‚

I'm having a problem with my car. I think the transmission is messed up.

My car works fine during the daytime but won't drive at night at all.

I put it in "D" for daytime and I can go where I need to, but at night time when I put it in "N" for night, it won't move.

To top it all off, the other day I was sitting at a red light, and this guy next to me wanted to race.

The light turned green I slammed it into "R" for race, stomped on the gas and slammed into the car behind me.

Any help with this situation would be greatly appreciated ..... Thank you

Like
Reply
3
MrsCraig
MrsCraig10 days ago

Excellent. I've been a bit quiet on here recently as I've been busy in the house and garden and just not really had the time, but I do appreciate the daily tag in the smile thread

Like
Reply
TheChimp
TheChimp10 days ago

lilyflower That's 3 absolute shockers today πŸ˜„

Like
Reply
1
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly2510 days ago

TheChimp a cringy smile is still a smile!

Like
Reply
2
Jasmine111
Jasmine1119 days ago

lilyflower nice smile thanks I hope you’re had a good time yesterday i hope you’re fine take care😊

Like
Reply
1
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
10 days ago

Ok, TheChimp and gerrykelly25 want cringe πŸ™‚

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were on holiday near Transylvania . They were driving along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard.

Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control!

Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding!

Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!" Bob brings his wife in.

An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely.. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab.

Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail.

Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.

He bursts in and shouts ..

"Master, Master!......

The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

Like
Reply
2
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly2510 days ago

lilyflower - I did cringe, but then laughed!

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine1119 days ago

Image everyone 😊

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine1117 days ago

Good afternoon lilyflower I hope you’re fine where smile 😊I was bored so came here take care dear see you’re later 😊

Like
Reply
sunny101
sunny1017 days ago

Saw this on Win a dinner and had to share.

Jan's jokes

Three dinosaurs stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.

Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.

"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"

Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.

The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.

"I've got it!" .........

"I want a MEATIER shower!"

Like
Reply
3
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly256 days ago

Where would an astronaut park his spaceship?

At a parking meteor!

Like
Reply
2
Jasmine111
Jasmine1116 days ago

Hi lilyflower I hope you’re fine see you’re around soon just few smiles topic gone to second page 😊😊 What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.

"I stand corrected!" said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

I used to be addicted to soap. But I'm clean now.A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" The guy responds, "I don't care what star sign it is!"

Two cows are grazing in a field. One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?" The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp. They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now! Wait… I just found these take care have a wonderful rest of the day 😊

Like
Reply
2
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly256 days ago

You are branching out to humour now Jasmine111! Thanks for the 😊

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine1116 days ago

gerrykelly25 you’re welcome dear thanks I just bored I hope you’re fine nice to see you’re comment user pointed out I cry here all the time so I decided to make everyone laugh πŸ˜‚ take care have a wonderful evening 😊

Like
Reply
1
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
6 days ago

Jasmine111Oh I like these, I'll have to pass them on to my sister who sends the ones I post. Looks like I've lost my job Image

Like
Reply
1
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly256 days ago

lilyflower never. You are the queen of cheesy chuckles!

Like
Reply
2
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly256 days ago

Jasmine111 you too.

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine1116 days ago

lilyflower O dear no one can’t beat you you’re smile are best ❣️thanks after writing reply to gerrykelly25 I went to cook chapati for husband then I cooked for everyone I didn’t mention someone said to me other day why you’re need to buy for your grown up children’s chocolate with your amazon voucher so I treat them from Tesco I will buy something else with amazon voucher.I am shocked people knows everything about me but they don’t know I have 3 years old daughter too πŸ˜ƒ nice to see you’re comment take care have a lovely evening 😊

Like
Reply
2
Jasmine111
Jasmine1116 days ago
Like
Reply
1
TheChimp
TheChimp6 days ago

Good morning lilyflower Jasmine111 gerrykelly25 and everyone who is reading this topic today.

Hope you are all well.

Gonna be a kind of boozy time in the House of Chimp today.

I have just taken delivery of a couple of bottles of Welsh vodka from The Drop Store, so me and MrsChimp are going to make some homemade limoncello this afternoon. It's so easy to make and is lovely chilled, especially in the summer.

Got it at a super price too πŸ˜ƒ Only cost Β£20 for 2 bottles. Considering that we have minimum pricing in Wales (😑), even the cheapest vodka in the shops is Β£13.13.

Only thing is that I had to add 2 bottles of Welsh gin to take the order to Β£40 so that I could get free delivery. Gutted πŸ˜‰

Have a good day everyone.

Image

Like
Reply
1
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly256 days ago

That seems very cheap?! I love limoncello TheChimp. How are you making it and how long is the shelf life once made?

Like
Reply
1
Jasmine111
Jasmine1116 days ago

gerrykelly25 Good morning dear I hope you’re fine take care I am going out for collecting my boots order see you’re all later 😊

Like
Reply
1
TheChimp
TheChimp6 days ago

gerrykelly25 It is very cheap indeed for Wales. Even the cheapest vodka and gin would have cost me Β£52.52, so it's a bargain at Β£40 delivered. It's really nice as well.

I use this recipe .......

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/limoncello

Now as for shelf life, I don't know. I assume that as long as the bottles are sterilised with boiling water or whatever, it should keep like a normal bottle of booze.

I have no idea how long it would last for as it's not around here long enough for me to find out if it goes bad.

Like
Reply
1
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly256 days ago

TheChimp Many thanks for the recipe. I will look out for some cheap vodka and give it a go. Alcohol is so expensive in Ireland!

Like
Reply
gerrykelly25
gerrykelly256 days ago

Jasmine111 good morning to you. I am sure you must be the best customer at your local Boots store!

Like
Reply
Jasmine111
Jasmine1116 days ago

Good morning TheChimp I hope you’re okay nice to see you’re comment take care have a wonderful day 😊

Like
Reply
1
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
5 days ago

TheChimp Lynibis Ann1984 MrsCraig sunny101 Jasmine111 gerrykelly25 No joke/smile today (I'm in a personal reflective mood) but a poem to share πŸ™‚

Remember Me

Speak of me as you have always done.

Remember the good times, laughter, and fun.

Share the happy memories we've made.

Do not let them wither or fade.

I'll be with you in the summer's sun

And when the winter's chill has come.

I'll be the voice that whispers in the breeze.

I'm peaceful now, put your mind at ease.

I've rested my eyes and gone to sleep,

But memories we've shared are yours to keep.

Sometimes our final days may be a test,

But remember me when I was at my best.

Although things may not be the same,

Don't be afraid to use my name.

Let your sorrow last for just a while.

Comfort each other and try to smile.

I've lived a life filled with joy and fun.

Live on now, make me proud of what you'll become.

Like
Reply
2
One of the UK's largest deal hunting communities

Join for free to get genuine deals, money saving advice and help from our friendly community

Kelsey, Tom
& Deepak
Founders
Founders of Latest Deals
We use cookies (e.g. personalisation, analytics, social media). Find out more.