Chit Chat, Facts, Jokes, Random facts and Smiles :)

Happy Easter everyone Lynibis MrsCraig sunny101 Jasmine111 gerrykelly25 Ann1984 TheChimp Some short smiles today

What should you do to prepare for all the Easter treats? Eggs-ercise

What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny

What do you get when you pour hot water into a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies

How does an Easter Bunny keep his fur looking so good? Hare spray

What do you call an Easter Bunny who gets kicked out of school? Egg-spelled

What do you call an Easter egg from outer space? An egg-straterrestrial

What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick

What day does an Easter egg hate the most? Fry-days

How do you know the Easter Bunny is really smart? Because he's an egghead.

Good morning everyone I am so happy today super happy don’t ask me it’s a personal

Good morning lilyflower just came here to wish you‘re all Happy Easter

Morning lilyflower gerrykelly25 Jasmine111 and all.

Hope you are having a good Easter Monday

Don't you just hate scammers and not getting what you paid for?

I recently asked the local carpenter to come to the house and make me and MrsChimp a new double bed.

'No problem', he said.

Just went to check to see how he was getting on and he'd only gone and done a bunk.

Good morning TheChimp et al. Nice smile!

On the theme of carpenters:

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself.

But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife.

So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

Morning TheChimp gerrykelly25 Ann1984 Jasmine111 sunny101 MrsCraig Lynibis Nice and sunny but cold in County Durham. Smile of the day, it's as good as the previous two

I'm having a problem with my car. I think the transmission is messed up.

My car works fine during the daytime but won't drive at night at all.

I put it in "D" for daytime and I can go where I need to, but at night time when I put it in "N" for night, it won't move.

To top it all off, the other day I was sitting at a red light, and this guy next to me wanted to race.

The light turned green I slammed it into "R" for race, stomped on the gas and slammed into the car behind me.

Any help with this situation would be greatly appreciated ..... Thank you

Ok, TheChimp and gerrykelly25 want cringe

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were on holiday near Transylvania . They were driving along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard.

Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control!

Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding!

Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?"

"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!" Bob brings his wife in.

An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely.. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab.

Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail.

Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.

He bursts in and shouts ..

"Master, Master!......

The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

everyone

Good afternoon lilyflower I hope you’re fine where smile I was bored so came here take care dear see you’re later

Saw this on Win a dinner and had to share.

Jan's jokes

Three dinosaurs stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.

Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.

"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"

Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.

The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.

"I've got it!" .........

"I want a MEATIER shower!"

Hi lilyflower I hope you’re fine see you’re around soon just few smiles topic gone to second page What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.

"I stand corrected!" said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

I used to be addicted to soap. But I'm clean now.A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" The guy responds, "I don't care what star sign it is!"

Two cows are grazing in a field. One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?" The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp. They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now! Wait… I just found these take care have a wonderful rest of the day

Good morning lilyflower Jasmine111 gerrykelly25 and everyone who is reading this topic today.

Hope you are all well.

Gonna be a kind of boozy time in the House of Chimp today.

I have just taken delivery of a couple of bottles of Welsh vodka from The Drop Store, so me and MrsChimp are going to make some homemade limoncello this afternoon. It's so easy to make and is lovely chilled, especially in the summer.

Got it at a super price too Only cost £20 for 2 bottles. Considering that we have minimum pricing in Wales (), even the cheapest vodka in the shops is £13.13.

Only thing is that I had to add 2 bottles of Welsh gin to take the order to £40 so that I could get free delivery. Gutted

Have a good day everyone.

That seems very cheap?! I love limoncello TheChimp. How are you making it and how long is the shelf life once made?

Good morning TheChimp I hope you’re okay nice to see you’re comment take care have a wonderful day

TheChimp Lynibis Ann1984 MrsCraig sunny101 Jasmine111 gerrykelly25 No joke/smile today (I'm in a personal reflective mood) but a poem to share

Remember Me

Speak of me as you have always done.

Remember the good times, laughter, and fun.

Share the happy memories we've made.

Do not let them wither or fade.

I'll be with you in the summer's sun

And when the winter's chill has come.

I'll be the voice that whispers in the breeze.

I'm peaceful now, put your mind at ease.

I've rested my eyes and gone to sleep,

But memories we've shared are yours to keep.

Sometimes our final days may be a test,

But remember me when I was at my best.

Although things may not be the same,

Don't be afraid to use my name.

Let your sorrow last for just a while.

Comfort each other and try to smile.

I've lived a life filled with joy and fun.

Live on now, make me proud of what you'll become.