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Would You Be Disappointed if Someone Close, Had a Pure Cremation ?

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I was wondering, what everyone's opinion is on a pure cremation ( For financial reasons.).

Would you be OK with it, or disappointed with someone choosing this without discussion ?

wyal5
a week ago
What do you think of this?+20 points
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Leannexxx

Honestly my dad wants it and I've told him we are not happy about it so it's now left it to us I understand where he's coming from but it won't help with the grief

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wyal5

Leannexxx my mum wants it, but I want more for her 🙈. Ultimately I will go with what she wants.

I am sure a nice gathering after could be lovely.

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Leannexxx

wyal5 yes I agree to a point but my dad said it's up to us what we do if we want to do it cheaper then do it

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wyal5

Leannexxx it is sad that we have to choose because of financial reasons. But reality nowadays.

Hopefully none of us have to decide for a long time yet 😊

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Leannexxx

wyal5 with my mother it all happened so quick she didn't have life insurance either so I know how expensive they can be so my father got life insurance so hopefully when the time comes it will cover it

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Lynibis

wyal5 but it isn't for her is it? It is for you and other mourners. I am (hopefully) at the tail end of my life and I would be really cross if someone tried to gainsay my wishes for my funeral. What happens to our shell is irrelevant, it is nicer for the mourners to get together for a nice get together at my expense, where they can reminisce and talk about me (good or bad) knowing it won't get back to me!

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Leannexxx

Lynibis I have to agree with you my mother was cremated but we still wanted a funeral for her it helped my brothers and sisters with the grief honestly tho I still struggle with it because I don't have the answers to why she passed away

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KateGriff169

Honestly it wouldn’t necessarily bother me tbh, if that’s what that person has asked for then that’s their wish and their choice

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wyal5

KateGriff169 I must admit, it is what I want. But I struggle with my mum doing it ( I have no kids or grandkids so I don't see the point for me 🤣). Ultimately I will do as she wishes though 😊

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Mango4

Each to their own, if that was the wishes of the person who had passed then no issue with that.

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MrsCraig

If that is what the person wishes then I don't see a problem with it. It is their choice so I would respect it. My parents have their funerals all planned out and paid for. I've no idea of their plans.

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martinlufc5637

My mother in is having this, it's not financially motivated, she's not religious so doesn't see the point in a traditional funeral, she thinks it's all a waste of money , she is a penny pincher though, so I can see why he's opting for it

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MelissaLee1

No problem whatsoever. There are so many ways to remember a person. Spending shed loads of hard come by money is not necessarily one of them. I would rather leave money to family than be played out by a fanfare and carried off by a team of coach and horses .That and subsidise all the local drunks.

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LL81

My mum has already arranged something like this, I don’t remember the name . I was completely shocked when she dropped that bombshell on me.

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Pjran

My father in law discussed this with my husband before he died and he followed his wishes. I now feel I would like the same, no church or crematorium service, no hearse parade etc sounds good to me.

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chel22

This is what my mum has set up for her, it's her wish at the end of the day, she would rather we put the money to something else,

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HEDGEHOGS

I've spoken to my son as this is what i'd prefer to have, he didn't really want to talk about it but wasn't happy with my decision and felt it was very impersonal so may leave it up to him.

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jms19

I think i would respect their wishes but i can understand why people wouldn’t want it for their loved ones.

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Imnotcheap

People should get to choose. I want to donate my body to medical science personally

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didbygraham

Its their choice so should be honoured. Personally I couldn't care less what happens to my body - the cheapest option will do - rather they spent the money on a remembrance party. But if someone feels its important how they want their body dealt with then its only fair that their wished are honoured.

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Pjran

I’ve never quite got my head round people travelling to attend a funeral when they didn’t make that journey to visit that person while alive.

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DeBunny

I didn't think it would bother me.

But I was shielded from funerals when I was younger (I had a fair few to go to! Grandparents, friends etc. I had a fair bit of loss) Which must have had some impact on why my mental health was shot, as much as I'd hate to admit that. It wasn't until I attended a funeral as an adult... I got it, I understood what they were for, why they work and it stopped the tears and trauma of losing that person, not completely but the constant tear flow! It definitely helps grieving. Funerals are for the living, not the dead.

It didn't bother me too much about Pure Cremation until the other week when my Mother-in-laws, husband said he was considering it... I've never responded so quickly with... 'That's just selfish'

I guess it would bother me 🤣

One of my grandparents paid for his own funeral with Co-op in advance, all his children had to do was choose a hymn and some other little bits. He wasn't ill when he did it, he just wanted to take off any pressure ❤️ So that would be another option if it was a financial thing.

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Jinky67

Nope. Their body, their choice.

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Jinky67

Jinky67 what's selfish is other people imposing what they want on older family members, who are trying to make it easy on their family.

Bugger all stopping anyone having a "party" to see them off/celebrate their life.

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Glitterandgold

We've been discussing this on & off. I think this is what I want when I go. Funerals are eye watering expensive, I'd rather pay for my nearest & dearest to book a lodge for a night in Scotland, take my ashes to my favourite spot and then spend an evening reminiscing & raising a glass or two for me tbh.

If someone I love wished yo do the same, I'd respect their wishes & find my own way to pay tribute to them

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lilyflower

Due to Mums wishes of donating her body we had no service, we did however have a coffee morning in her memory to raise funds for the cause of her death, it was a lovely morning. When 9 month later her body was released it was cremated by hospital, the informed me of date/time so family sat in quiet reflection, the ashes were returned 2 weeks later.

Mother in Law has a Pure Cremation in place, that is her choice and as the family is not religious all are ok with it.

Mine and husbands are simple with only 12 'guests' and only because my ex said the kids needed closure (they are no longer in contact with me) and hubby's son said he 'needed' to be there, otherwise we'd be happy just to go on our own.

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Jerseydrew

If it's what a person wants why not. My oh doesn't want any organs taken from me as they are mine. I told him to stop being stupid I won't need them so I'd rather they were donated.

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ch7leach

We had a cremation for both my great uncle and more recently my grandfather, was not done because of costs but neither were typically religious. We got family and friends round at a later date and celebrated them that way. I like what we did for the most part, felt easier on everyone.

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Karen331

I personally would prefer to have one myself, so I wouldn't object to anyone else having one.

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suevernon1968

I have paid for my pure cremation. When my Mum died - the organising was upsetting and expensive. And the day of the service just drags all the grief right back up to the surface. I found it was like losing her all over again. The money that would have gone on a funeral I would hope that the people that I leave behind would have a party to celebrate my life with an open bar. If the kids want a memory as such get people to write something funny or their major memory they have of me. Then the kids etc can go through the folder when they want

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tara73ziva

That’s what my dad is doing as I as we paid nearly £4000 for my mum’s funeral in lockdown and we didn’t even have any cars or flowers we had to drive ourselves there it’s cost my dad £1700 for his funeral and I just get the ashes back. I definitely think it’s worth doing. I was actually thinking about donating my body to medical science that with my son doesn’t have a funeral, but he’s quite happy with that as it’s my wishes.

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