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A woman shows up at the white house in a trench coat and scarf and says,

"I received your emergency phone call, Mrs. Clinton, and came right away,

but what could "I" possibly do to save the country?"

Mrs. Clinton: "Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit..."

garygemmell
1 month ago
What do you think of this?
garygemmell
garygemmell
Original Poster
1 month ago

If you dont laugh at this one then you have no sense of humour - its weird , its out there; a bit like me but i find it hilarious - just saw it on my joke of the day website and i laughed so hard for at least 10 minutes that i soiled my pontaloons lol!

How do you catch an elephant?

First you dig a big hole, and fill it with wood and ash.

Then you take a load of peas and line them up around the hole.

Then, when the elephant goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash-hole!

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Glitterandgold
Glitterandgold1 month ago

πŸ˜‚πŸ€£ Good ones! I think iv probably told this one on here before, but it's my fav joke to tell so here goes again: A guy walking through the cemetary early one morning stumbles across another guy crouched behind a grave, 'Morning' he nods as he greets the crouched guy, 'No' comes the reply 'just taking a πŸ’©. πŸ˜‚

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garygemmell
garygemmell
Original Poster
1 month ago

Haha very good i like em rude i am of the Frankie Boyle style of humour myself.

But my fave joke is subtle and for most people difficult to get until they think about it - simple and quick but totally funny!

Why did the fairy get pregnant?

She sat on a toadstool!

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Glitterandgold
Glitterandgold1 month ago

garygemmell oh I adore Frankie Boyle. Hes controversial but I do love dark humour! I'm not easily offended when it comes to comedy. But I can't tell most of my jokes on here, cos I'll get wrong 🀭

Took me a couple of mins to get that fairy joke πŸ˜³πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ (it's been a long day O.K) Iv finally clicked! πŸ€£πŸ˜†

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garygemmell
garygemmell
Original Poster
1 month ago

Glitterandgold You can tell us anything you are obviously not one of the old pc grannies on here haha

Give us your best or worst!

Yeah thats why its the perfect joke - its short , simple needs time to mull it over then you soil your pants lol

Only one thing better than the Boylemeister and thats the inbetweeners even my 73 year old mum found em funny - she said it was disgusting but she still laughed - those school jokes are just so true it takes me back lol

But the scene in the old folks home with Jay pullin his podger in front of the old Granny - no, just no, that was a step too far even for me!

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Glitterandgold
Glitterandgold1 month ago

garygemmell Ah yes The Inbetweeners. My eldest son loves it. Greg Davies is pure class!!

Two nuns out for a drive, stop at some traffic lights when suddenly a vampire lands on the their car bonnet and snarls at them through the windscreen.

Sister Amelda in the passenger seat, says to Sister Magdalena who driving ''Quick! Show him your cross".

Sister Mag winds down the window and shouts " OI! F@@K OFF YOU POINTY TOOTHED @@@@''

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation12341 month ago
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Glitterandgold
Glitterandgold1 month ago
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Glitterandgold
Glitterandgold1 month ago

Sanitation1234 As requested πŸ˜‚. Just a short one today!

What's a serial killers favourite cereal topping?

Chopped dates. 😳

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation12341 month ago
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HughJarsse
HughJarsse1 month ago

My wife and I are into S&M

She goes to Sleep and I stay up and Mastvrbate!

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123425 days ago

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

Student: "A drinking problem."πŸ˜‚πŸ˜πŸ˜Š

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123425 days ago

My favourite joke : Q Why do Grandmas smile all the time? A: Because they can't hear a word you're saying πŸ™πŸ»πŸ˜΄

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RnD194hd
RnD194hd24 days ago

I'll never forget the final words of my granny has she laid in her hospital bed,

"are you stood on my air line?"

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123424 days ago

I love joke (Not special one ) if you got any good joke you can share with meπŸ˜ŠπŸ™πŸ»

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123424 days ago

I didn’t get it πŸ€”

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Dani1
Dani124 days ago
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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123424 days ago
πŸ˜‚πŸ™πŸ»
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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123424 days ago

I am sorry just came back went to drop my little son in tuition centre 😊

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Dani1
Dani124 days ago
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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123423 days ago

Dani1 Try to create a different question please take care πŸ™πŸ»πŸ˜Š

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123423 days ago

Dani1 Q Today I gave my dead batteries away. A :They were free of charge. see you tomorrow 😊

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Dani1
Dani122 days ago
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garygemmell
garygemmell
Original Poster
24 days ago

One of my favourite and remarkably clean jokes came from a Christmas Cracker.

Childish?

Well thats me!

What has 3 wheels and travels along the ocean floor?

Motor Pike and Side Carp!

😜

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123424 days ago

I hope you didn’t mind πŸ™πŸ»edit I thought someone change but they didn’t 😌

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Dani1
Dani124 days ago

I've not heard that cracker joke before πŸ˜‚

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123424 days ago
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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123423 days ago

I think my friend needs help but I don’t know where I am πŸ€”πŸ™πŸ»

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123423 days ago

Sanitation1234 I am just πŸ€”if I want to talk to my friends I can talk to them in there own Home don’t need to go somewhere else πŸ˜ŠπŸ™πŸ»

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garygemmell
garygemmell
Original Poster
24 days ago

Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?

A: Make a tyre and call it a Good Year.

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Glitterandgold
Glitterandgold23 days ago
πŸ˜‚
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Loislane
Loislane22 days ago

So funny x

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NatashaMinard
NatashaMinard10 days ago
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Dani1
Dani123 days ago

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?

It gets toad away.

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123423 days ago

Thanks πŸ˜‚

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Dani1
Dani123 days ago

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Seven."

Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Seven."

Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Six."

Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Seven!"

Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"

Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123423 days ago

πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜†Thanks

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Glitterandgold
Glitterandgold23 days ago

I like that one 😁

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123423 days ago

Glitterandgold oho well come πŸ’πŸ˜Š

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123423 days ago

Glitterandgold πŸ€”any joke for us please 😊

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Dani1
Dani122 days ago

Glitterandgold thanks very much 😍

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Caz2
Caz212 days ago
πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚
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billygomez123
billygomez12323 days ago

"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library'. I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'"

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Caz2
Caz212 days ago
πŸ˜‚
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billygomez123
billygomez12323 days ago

"I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."

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billygomez123
billygomez12323 days ago

"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"

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Dani1
Dani122 days ago

β€œName me five different animals, Johnny.”

Β 

β€œThe dog, the dog’s brother, the dog’s sister, the dog’s cousin and the dog’s aunt.”

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123422 days ago

I am sorry just came home .I hope you having good day πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜‚πŸ’

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Dani1
Dani122 days ago

Sanitation1234 Hi, thanks so much. I hope you have had a good day too and are well 😍☘️

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Dani1
Dani122 days ago

It is evening. Little Johnny and his friend are sitting by a camp fire.

Β They’ve been plagued by swarms of mosquitoes already for an hour and the assault only worsens when the darkness sets in.

Β Suddenly, fireflies appear. Little Johnny swears: β€œThese darn mosquitoes! Now they’ve even brought lanterns with them to find us!β€œ

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123
β†’
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