Joke of the Day
Other
A woman shows up at the white house in a trench coat and scarf and says,
"I received your emergency phone call, Mrs. Clinton, and came right away,
but what could "I" possibly do to save the country?"
Mrs. Clinton: "Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit..."
If you dont laugh at this one then you have no sense of humour - its weird , its out there; a bit like me but i find it hilarious - just saw it on my joke of the day website and i laughed so hard for at least 10 minutes that i soiled my pontaloons lol!
How do you catch an elephant?
First you dig a big hole, and fill it with wood and ash.
Then you take a load of peas and line them up around the hole.
Then, when the elephant goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash-hole!
Good ones! I think iv probably told this one on here before, but it's my fav joke to tell so here goes again: A guy walking through the cemetary early one morning stumbles across another guy crouched behind a grave, 'Morning' he nods as he greets the crouched guy, 'No' comes the reply 'just taking a 
.
Haha very good i like em rude i am of the Frankie Boyle style of humour myself.
But my fave joke is subtle and for most people difficult to get until they think about it - simple and quick but totally funny!
Why did the fairy get pregnant?
She sat on a toadstool!
garygemmell oh I adore Frankie Boyle. Hes controversial but I do love dark humour! I'm not easily offended when it comes to comedy. But I can't tell most of my jokes on here, cos I'll get wrong 
Took me a couple of mins to get that fairy joke 
(it's been a long day O.K) Iv finally clicked! 
Glitterandgold You can tell us anything you are obviously not one of the old pc grannies on here haha
Give us your best or worst!
Yeah thats why its the perfect joke - its short , simple needs time to mull it over then you soil your pants lol
Only one thing better than the Boylemeister and thats the inbetweeners even my 73 year old mum found em funny - she said it was disgusting but she still laughed - those school jokes are just so true it takes me back lol
But the scene in the old folks home with Jay pullin his podger in front of the old Granny - no, just no, that was a step too far even for me!
garygemmell Ah yes The Inbetweeners. My eldest son loves it. Greg Davies is pure class!!
Two nuns out for a drive, stop at some traffic lights when suddenly a vampire lands on the their car bonnet and snarls at them through the windscreen.
Sister Amelda in the passenger seat, says to Sister Magdalena who driving ''Quick! Show him your cross".
Sister Mag winds down the window and shouts " OI! F@@K OFF YOU POINTY TOOTHED @@@@''
Sanitation1234 As requested . Just a short one today!
What's a serial killers favourite cereal topping?
Chopped dates.
I'll never forget the final words of my granny has she laid in her hospital bed,
"are you stood on my air line?"
One of my favourite and remarkably clean jokes came from a Christmas Cracker.
Childish?
Well thats me!
What has 3 wheels and travels along the ocean floor?
Motor Pike and Side Carp!
Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?
A: Make a tyre and call it a Good Year.
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
Sanitation1234 Hi, I hope everything is going well and that your break until August goes ok. Take care and stay safe 
"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library'. I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'"
"I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."
"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
βName me five different animals, Johnny.β
Β
βThe dog, the dogβs brother, the dogβs sister, the dogβs cousin and the dogβs aunt.β
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