Jokes Thread
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has anyone got any jokes they’d like to share? we could all do with a laugh each day, personally I love the rubbish one liners and the “what do you call a...” jokes
I will start with this joke:
Q: why did humpty dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall?
A: to see her crack 
We do in fact have a joke thread, though it seems to have sadly died. 
Guy walking through cemetary early one morning sees a guy crouched behind a grave. "Morning" he greets the man. "No" the guy replys "Just taking a 
Makes me chuckle anyhoo!
Glitterandgold blinking ell...
Just spat out my my water lol ....you have cheered me right up 
Here is a Brexit Joke for you - - - There’s gonna be a 50p coin commemorating Brexit. It’s nearly done. They just can’t decide what to do with the border. ;)
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team? Because she kept running from the ball!
What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAIIINNNNS!”
What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers? A nervous wreck!
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike? Attire!
How many ears does Spock have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear!
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener!
How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Tentacles!
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones!
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it!
Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... it's tearable.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don’t serve food here."
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh!
When is your door not actually a door? When it’s actually ajar.
I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie.Man, they really grilled me.
A communist joke isn’t funny… … unless everyone gets it.
Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent!
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick!
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eyed deer!
What did the horse say after it tripped? "Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle.
What goes down but doesn’t come up? A yo.
What did the pirate get on his report card? Seven Cs!
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
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