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I have a friend who is lovely whenever I make contact- phone email suggest lunch but they never contact me first. When I see them they always ask to see me more etc would you just let things fizzle out? as I find it frustrating and dont want to annoy someone if they dont really want to remain friends........Any advice? TIA

OneeyedRaven
16 days ago
What do you think of this?
KirsteyJames
KirsteyJames16 days ago

Perhaps they dont feel comfortable making first contact or they just dont think about it. I never aks my friends to go to their house or if they want to do something they always ask me. Its not that i dont want to go to them or ask then i just feel awkward.

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blacklabrador
blacklabrador16 days ago

I think some people just feel really awkward about making the first move.

It could be down to a fear of rejection.

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DebbieReed2020
DebbieReed202016 days ago

To be honest if you did that, it would probably fizzle out. Some folks think of themselves and don't give two hoots about anyone else, but you find in all partnerships or friendships it's only one who does the running.

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123416 days ago

Hi I think you should try to ignore them for a little while let’s see if they contact you if not don’t bother them I am sure you will find better friends . I only have few friends and contact them on WhatsApp my school friends sometimes we do FaceTime too see how we look now show each other own school pictures πŸ˜‚ they don’t ask me to come in my home same with me I don’t ask them to go there Home one thing I do tell them whenever they around my area visit me for a tea or coffee but they don’t everyone are busy in there life’s I am happy I still have school friends now I join this site all of you are my friends πŸ˜ŠπŸ™πŸ»

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garygemmell
garygemmell16 days ago

There is no such thing as friends, merely acquaintances you meet along the great trail of life!

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Lynibis
Lynibis16 days ago

That is a very pessimistic way of looking at friendship and I am sure many feel the same but many do not. My best friend is of 35 years standing and we have always been there for each other 100% through good and bad. We have lent our cars, looked after each others children, gone on holiday together, I am Godmother to her son, seen each other through messy divorces and the death of her daughter. We meet every Sunday evening when free (at least 3 out of 4) and have a meal, watch a film, catch up on the week's gossip as we have for 8 years worked for same boss. I have 2 other good friends who I meet up with regularly for lunch.

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garygemmell
garygemmell15 days ago

Lynibis Not really Lyn its through personal experience of myself my family and friends.

I only speak through experience on topics and I saw it every day when I was in the Police!

My best friend of 40 years - we grew up together in prams next to each other from the beginning and he shafted me 4 years ago and we havent spoken since same with my other 2 best friends.

My brother is the same and when my mother was dying not a single one of her 15 best friends came to see her in the hospital.

I didnt say everyone was like that but there are very few who would actually back you up when your life is on the line or the situation is grave and thats the mark of a true friend and I only had one and he hung himself 20 years ago!

People are very selfish it was different in my Grans day perhaps but not now and in the neighbourhood i live in as my auld man used to say "None of them would give you a fright if they were a ghost"!

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Johnny
Johnny16 days ago

Either now, or next time you see your friend, send them a message immediately afterwards saying how nice it was to meet up, and suggest meeting up again in the next two weeks - stating β€œYour turn to call me to fix the date!”

That puts the ball firmly and clearly in their court. If they don’t call, drop them as a friend, and find a better one who puts in more effort. Otherwise it’ll just continue to annoy you. Who needs the hassle?

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Faye1
Faye116 days ago

To be honest. when people do that to me I just let it fizzle I’m not big on one sided and get fed up of making the effort.

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Dilligaf
Dilligaf16 days ago

I have been in this exact same scenario. She would text me, I would reply instantly and then nothing, never got a how are you? text or message at any time. I would send things that I knew she would like etc etc with no reply at all. It was great when we did meet up and she would always say 'I don't look at my phone every 5 seconds, so sorry I don't reply', OK fair enough but why not reply when messages aren't noticed.

It all came to a head when she was having her 4 nights away in York for her hen party, which was at the same time as a relative was in hospital (not that she knew, as we hadn't spoken for months), when I looked at my phone after about 4 days, there were loads of texts asking if I was going, why was I being rude by not replying, this hen party is important to me, blah, blah, blah. I saw red and replied, 'not nice when people don't reply is it?' and she replied saying I was being really rude! I said I had things going on and rather than ask what was up she went off on one.

The upshot is we don't talk at all now (and she has no friends at all apparently as she did the same with everyone) and I have not lost any sleep over it at all, I would sooner have no friends rather than being used when it was convenient, that isn't a friendship. Prior to the eruption I was going to let it fizzle out, but there would have always been that doubt in my head. She wasn't afraid to contact people, she just didn't care enough to bother

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OneeyedRaven
OneeyedRaven
Original Poster
16 days ago

bless hope all is well now and yeah thats what I think too we are all busy but a quick check in shows you think enough of the other person. I have had no reply to my message yesterday so............. anyone want to be friends? 🀣

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Dilligaf
Dilligaf16 days ago

OneeyedRaven she wasn't too busy, we used to work together and she was always on her phone, she just CBA, as you said I just felt worthless. But hey, I have friends in my computer now πŸ˜‚

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig16 days ago

I've been in this situation. I had a friend who I had known since secondary school, so 13/14 years. She used to say that I was like a sister to her. We used to talk all the time, see each other loads. Then she moved to Manchester. We still skyped each other and messaged each other all the time. Then I meet my now husband, when we were getting married i explained to her that as much i would love her to be there, we would only afford a certain number of people and i knew she couldn't afford to travel up to Scotland for it. She completely understood, but she started to message slightly less and only got in touch when there was something she wanted, like advice or a shoulder to cry on or she was bored. Then my son was born. He had a complex heart condition and could have died the day after he was born if it wasn't for surgery. He needed round the clock care and I didn't have time to contact people as much as normal. Luckily I have some wonderful friends and they contacted me asking how we all were, if there was anything they could do to help etc. This friend never bothered. I messaged her on her sons birthday and she asked how my son was then, I explained the difficult situation, how he looked fine but he wasn't etc and she replied glad he is doing well. I stopped talking to her after that.

I had a number of friends that stopped talking to me after I got married because I wasn't at their beck and call anymore. I can't say that I miss any of them.

Do what you think is best for you. If you think you will miss the friendship then continue it but maybe wait a while and see if they contact you and then if you do contact them, wait a bit before you reply to them.

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OneeyedRaven
OneeyedRaven
Original Poster
16 days ago

MrsCraig great advice thank you for sharing that with me. Funny how some are only there when it suits or good times and you are right there is no reason to miss people like that.

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig16 days ago

OneeyedRaven I had a few friends like that. When our son was born my granny told us that we would find out who our real friends were, especially given the difficult situation we were in and she was absolutely right.

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Dani1
Dani116 days ago

Hi MrsCraig I have recently had a similar experience with a close friend, we met at secondary school too. Recently she was often too busy to reply to messages etc but when she was in the mood she would send numerous messages and would expect a reply straight away (not urgent things) It all came to an end after my son was admitted to hospital over new year and she waited 2 weeks to reply. If it had been one of her children I would have called or text to ask how he /she was immediately. I haven't replied but I feel guilty but also relieved as it was upsetting. Did your friend contact you? I am worried as I dint like confrontation. How is your son getting on? I hope he is doing well x It's lovely to read that you have wonderful friends, I have too and it has helped so much 😍

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig16 days ago

Dani1 I hope your son is alright now and I'm glad you have friends that have been there for you. My son is doing fine now, he had 2 heart operations to repair the problems and he is now an active 14 month old. My friend has never contacted me, it has been over a year now and still nothing. I wouldn't feel guilty, if she was that worried then she would have contacted you or been to see you.

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Dani1
Dani115 days ago

MrsCraig thanks so much for your reply. He's doing very well on meds now. That's wonderful that your little boy is doing fine now after his operations and lovely to hear that he's an active 14 mth old 😍 Thank you for your advice, it really will help me to not feel guilty about not replying to her x

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig15 days ago

Dani1 glad he is doing well, it is really scary when they are in hospital. I learnt the hard way that some friends are selfish and only interested in you when they need something. You don't need a friend like her, better off without them x

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Dani1
Dani115 days ago

MrsCraig sorry I only just saw your message. Thank you so much and it's lovely that your little boy is doing well too x I agree it really is a scary time. I am starting to realise that I was always around when she needed me and she is selfish. I really appreciate your advice and help πŸ˜πŸ¦‹x

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ShellyAnn
ShellyAnn16 days ago

I had a friend I had known since I was 4 and last year I decided to call it a day. Whenever I suggested meeting up, seeing her, etc, she was always busy or she would say yes and at the last minute I'd get an email saying she couldn't make it. however, whenever she was 'bored', ie, she hurt her back and was off work and didn't want to be alone, she wanted to see me; several times she wanted me around because she was waiting in for parcels or the gas man or she had someone coming round to do something and she had to wait in. Then she wanted me there. Whenever she was at a lost end say someone else cancelled on her, she would be wanting to see me. Only when it suited her. She never invited me anywhere. She goes to concerts, cinema, etc. I haven't been to any of these with her since our mid 20s I would say. She keeps me well away from her friends. Also she lies about everything. I have caught her out lying so many times. So I had enough and just blocked her. she has found out I have moved house. I don't know how. I guess she turned up at my old house and the new people told her where I had gone which made me really angry on christmas eve when a card got pushed through the door.

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chelseaturpin
chelseaturpin16 days ago

I have a friend that is similar to your friend but she only ever wants to spend time with me when she is bored and wants to get out of her house and slag all her other 'friends' off.

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reida861
reida86116 days ago

Life has changed now,I hve tried to make so many friends in life only to be hurt.I don’t give too much,people have just took advantage of the kind person and thoughtful person I am.So especially with me being disabled too and at home all of the time,it’s hard anyway😊

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123415 days ago

I am very sorry about your condition I am here for you just busy life lots off love πŸ’• to you from myself as a sister and friend take care 😊

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Dani1
Dani116 days ago

Hi, I understand how you feel. It hard because when you meet up she is lovely. Up until recently I would always think of the other person and keep the lines of communication open but now I've started to realise it's not fair to always make the effort. I would wait to see if she contacts you this time πŸ˜πŸ¦‹

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reida861
reida86115 days ago

Thankyou for being such lovely and friendly people,may I ask something please?how do I add a deal on? I have tried so I don’t upset anyone but must be abit thick.lol.love AnnieπŸ˜πŸ˜ŠπŸ’•

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Lynibis
Lynibis15 days ago

I am not the most technology minded person but have got posting a deal weighed off so here goes lol. I don't know how far you got but when you have your comp open and LD click on the yellow square above and then click on what you wish to share. Copy and paste the url of the comp and it will either take you on to next page or tell you the deal/comp has already been posted.

If it moves you on just fill in each section with more cut and paste for description and the drop down boxes. Hope this makes sense and helps.

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Glitterandgold
Glitterandgold15 days ago

Friendships like any relationships they shouldn't be hard work & should work equally both ways. I went through a hellish time a couple years ago & I cut loose alot of friends & family for this reason. Lifes too short to waste time on people who dont appreciate you. My circle is alot smaller now but I know the people I spend time with are worth it. I have ONE true friend. Weve been BFFs since day we met when we were 11.

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