I Feel Like an Outcast

hey, if you don't mind me asking, how old are you? if you would like to be more connected to your family, maybe try and involve yourself in their hobbies; if you want to be less outcast, you can either tell them you want to spend more time with them or do it without them knowing it! Maybe you could cook them a meal, go shopping with them, plan a day out and invite everyone. If you have had arguments you feel are your fault, try and resolve them ask for a new beginning! If you need any help feel free to contact me, I know how it feels to be alone and it isn't great. If you and your family don't get along maybe meet up with them and ask them if they feel the same way. Its personal preference and I hope you get it sorted! Hope this helps, Belle

A few years ago we were having a lot of problems with our drug dealer neighbour (she managed to upset the entire village and then got evicted yay) to the point I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I asked my Mum if my family could come and live with her in the house I grew up in for for a bit (me husband daughter 2 dogs) she immediately said "You'll have to get rid of the dogs" this shocked me as growing up we had a dog and she loves dogs. My brother and his wife split up she bought another house and rented it to him to cover the mortgage. This really hit me hard and massively compounded how she "cares" about me. I do love my Mum, but I always feel there's a wall. I have said this to her in the past and the answer I got was "Lovey, I never have to worry about you, you're the responsible one" or "Lovey, you're overreacting" and "Why is it always you that makes a drama out of this".

I do feel rejected and pushed aside and most of the family information I get is second hand and 3 weeks after the event because everyone "forgets".

I am the middle child and the black sheep, but I have nothing to thank them for because I paddle my own canoe with my own family

I am breaking my self imposed silence on chat in order to maybe bring you some clarity. You will probably not like what I say but here it is:

Change comes from within. Whenever there is conflict in your life the first place you must start is with self examination. Only when you have truthfully explored your own character faults can you hope to put things right. If, after searching deeply within yourself you really do not feel you played any part in the conflict you must resign yourself to it or move on. Either choosing to accept others with their faults, or move on without them in your life.

First I will tell you something about when I was younger, about 35 years ago. I worked in an office and was one day called to the manager who told me there had been complaints about me ( It transpired that whenever I talked to anyone in the office it was always centred on me and what was happening in my life, the others felt it was not a two way street). After two days of self doubt, tears, anger, self recrimination, I realised that they were totally justified in their analysis of me. I wasn't unkind, just oblivious to their needs and life. I guiltily stayed in my office alone for a long time but as time and the upset passed I tentatively ventured into conversation again and the others were kind enough to let bygones be bygones. Luckily I have a good memory and would sprinkle into my conversation things about their kids, pets, even silly things like what did they have for dinner or did they have a good weekend. Gradually a change came about and when I left that office I had the most lovely array of gifts and a card signed by every single person. 11 years later I am still friends with 3 of the 12 and we regularly meet up.

Kind words and deeds cost nothing. They store your wealth in the bank of life and come back to you with interest. Don't ask for others to change first. Change yourself and your attitude and then see how others will begin to not only see you differently, but act differently toward you.

Selfishness is the worst kind of self centredness and if we can only look at ourselves through the eyes of others and give rather than take there will never again be a need to be the 'black sheep'. Close that mouth when bad things want to tumble out, even if theirs still do for a while. Set an example with your behaviour, don't act in ways that others may deem unpleasant.

Of course, you may already be an angel picked on by your family in which case I can offer no advice.

But remember, no one can make you an outcast except yourself. x