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PART 2 - General Chit Chat and 'Smile' of the Day :)

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The second round of lockdown

In a few days it will begin

So before you all start to frown

Here’s something to make you grin.

A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: "Our food has arrived! Let's eat!" His wife reminded him: "Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!" Her husband replied: "That's at home, my dear. Here the chef knows how to cook..." πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

lilyflower
2 months ago
What do you think of this?
Caz2
Caz22 months ago
πŸ˜…πŸ€£
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nicolajaynehend
nicolajaynehend2 months ago
πŸ˜†πŸ˜…
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Ann1984
Ann19842 months ago

πŸ˜‚ That's exactly something my other half would say

Thank god I ain't got to eat your **** tonight

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Dennab
Dennab2 months ago

I'd get my head kicked in for saying that but still smiling. πŸ™‚πŸ˜™

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

Haha love this lol x

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

πŸ˜‚ brilliant! Luckily my husband and I are good cooks. My mother in law is a professional chef, about 15 years ago she made a chicken pie for dinner, asked her then partner what he thought, he said it's alright, she went absolutely mental and has never made one again! Image

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

MrsCraig My sister in law used rabbit instead of chicken, he said it was lovely then spat it out what was left when told what it was. I love cooking and son is a chef but very 'posh' stuff. πŸ™‚

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Lynibis
Lynibis2 months ago

I imagine that may be part of the reason you said 'then partner' lol.

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

Lynibis Haha one of many!

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

lilyflower my mother in law cooks the most amazing food. She makes fantastic lasagne, stuffing and chicken pie, yet my father in law doesn't like them! Her apple crumble is out of this world!

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Good morning from a sunny NE. Loislane Lynibis Ann1984 Dani1 Caz2 MrsCraig davidstockport angemski New thread, same stuff it's amazing what we got up to in the first three weeks. Plenty more 'words from sister' to keep us going. πŸ™‚ Today is -

I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.

As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."

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angemski
angemski2 months ago

πŸ˜‚ I actually got this notification so thanks for the tag and keep them coming.

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davidstockport
davidstockport2 months ago

That's funny at first I thought you were being serious. Image

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

davidstockport Ha Ha. I'm not allowed in at 8am πŸ™‚

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Dani1
Dani12 months ago

Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well. Love that one 😍

Advice please, should I cook fried rice or frozen fish I'm stuck between a wok or a hard plaice? πŸ˜‰

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Caz2
Caz22 months ago
πŸ˜‚
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Caz2
Caz22 months ago
πŸ˜…
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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

Afternoon hun and all on here with love from me in sunny east england🌞🌞🌞 loved the post as always stay safe stay strong x πŸ’—πŸŒˆ

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Good morning Loislane Lynibis Ann1984 Dani1 Caz2 MrsCraig davidstockport angemski Another bright sunny day but cool day in the NE. The builders opposite me are back!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Todays offering is -

The Queen takes the visiting Pope for a ride in a carriage through London.

Suddenly one of the horses farts very loudly. β€œI am terribly sorry,” apologizes the embarrassed Queen.

The Pope replies, β€œOh don’t worry, if you hadn’t said anything, I’d just have thought it was the horse!”

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Ann1984
Ann19842 months ago

lilyflower morning from sunny wales another good one looks like last bit of sunshine for few days looking at forecast for next few days

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

Ann1984 it is sunny here in Edinburgh too. Still cold though. We have workmen in the street, not sure what they are doing. They are outside my friends house so might ask her if she knows what they are doing.

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angemski
angemski2 months ago

lilyflower πŸ˜‚ Morning. I overslept! Last night turned into a Friday night and I have a need for lots of water. So glad I have no builders around. I'll be back a little later.

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

Morning lilyflower and all on here πŸ’—sunny in the east hope you all well as always loveeee the post xx stay safe all πŸ˜€πŸ’–

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Morning, it's not such a good one, dull and cool, but smile πŸ™‚

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you. Don't bother coming after me.” Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone.

"She's finally gone...yes I know, about bloody time. I'm coming to see you. Put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like."

He hung up, grabbed his keys and left the house and she heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he had written:

"I can see your feet…………………………….. We're out of bread - I’ll be back in five minutes.”

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

Love this lol x

Morning all stay safe xx πŸ’—

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Morning Loislane Lynibis davidstockport MrsCraig angemski Ann1984 Dani1 Caz2 Once again it is dull in the NE and the pavement diggers are back 😞 Here is the latest offering from my sister -

1) Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

2) I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

3) I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

4) Couldn't decide where to go for Easter ---- The Living Room or The Bedroom.

5) Every few days I try my jeans on to make sure they still fit.

6) Home schooling is going well, 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

7) I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks, we'd go from GMT to the Twilight Zone.

8) This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog, and we laughed a lot.

9) So, after this quarantine... will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

10) Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called "THE KITCHEN". You have to gather all ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

11) My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

12) Day 5 of Home schooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

13) I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

14) I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Living Room.

15) Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

16) Day 6 of Home schooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year" ... I'm offended.

17) Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.

Enjoy your day wherever you are in the UK πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

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Lynibis
Lynibis2 months ago

That is so clever lilyflower I wish I had the brain to write stuff like that. Hope your sister knows she is keeping us entertained and I, in turn, am entertaining others with these gems!

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Lynibis She gets them from a former school colleague and passes them to some of her friends, me to LD to goodness knows where, my daughter to her boyfriend and nursing team to goodness knows, so it grows like a mushroom. I dare say at some point one of them will come back to her and she'll think it funny and the round will start all over again. At last count there are still 37 to post, I could do two a day πŸ™‚

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

Brilliant as always πŸ˜‚

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Caz2
Caz22 months ago

Love those LilyflowerπŸ˜…

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Ann1984
Ann19842 months ago

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking tea and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip.😬 The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it 😝.....pull myself together

I hope it made you smile 😁

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

Fantastic hun as always makes my day hearing from you and hearing from anyone lol x weather not much better in east and I know what you mean about jeans πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚x

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angemski
angemski2 months ago

lilyflower Thanks for sharing the list - there were lots that I hadn't seen and they made me chuckle. πŸ˜‚

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Lynibis Loislane Todays tea time chuckle πŸ™‚

A woman was driving down the street and got stopped by a police officer.

"May I see your driver's license?" he said.

She looked at him with disgust.

"What's the matter with you guys? I wish you'd make up your minds. You took my license from me yesterday."

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

Haha love it thanks hun πŸ’—x

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Good morning Loislane Lynibis Ann1984 MrsCraig angemski davidstockport and whoever else reads, sorry if I missed you off. I have sun and clear blue sky this morning πŸ™‚

A woman decides to buy a self-assembly cupboard. Back home she reads the instructions carefully and assembles the cupboard in the bedroom. It looks really neat. Then, a train passes

and the whole cupboard collapses. Not daunted by this she re-reads the instructions and

reassembles the cupboard. Then, another train passes and the whole cupboard collapses again.

Thinking that she must have done *something* wrong she re-re-reads the instructions and

re-re-assembles the cupboard. Then, a train passes and the whole cupboard collapses yet again.

Now, she's finally fed up with this and calls the customer service department. She is told that this is quite impossible and that they'll send along a technician to have a look.

The technician arrives and assembles the cupboard. Then, a train passes and the

cupboard collapses. Completely baffled by this unexpected event, the technician decides to

reassemble the cupboard and sit inside it to see whether he can find out what causes the

cupboard to collapse. At this point, the woman's husband comes home, sees the cupboard

and says: " That's a nice looking cupboard ", and opens it.

. . . The technician says: " You won't believe me, but I'm sitting here waiting for a train”

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Caz2
Caz26 days ago
πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ€£
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Loislane
Loislane1 month ago

Lol πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚he actually is waiting for train haha love this hun thanks making me smile πŸ’—πŸ˜€x

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Ann1984
Ann19841 month ago

My mate just said he’s run out of toilet paper and is having to use lettuce leaves...Today was the tip of the iceberg

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
1 month ago

Lynibis Loislane MrsCraig Ann1984 Dani1 Good sunny morning. It's Monday if anyone has lost track. Smile today with πŸ™‚

A young couple moved into a new neighbourhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbour hanging her washing out on the clothes line next door. β€œThat laundry is not very clean,” she said. β€œPerhaps she hasn't got a washing machine, doesn't know how to use one properly or needs a different detergent.”

Her husband looked on but said nothing. Every time her neighbour hung her laundry out to dry, the young woman would make the same comments about grey whites and dull colours.

About a month later, she was surprised to see a nice bright, clean wash on the line and said to her husband, β€œLook, she has learned how to wash correctly at last. Do you think one of the other neighbours told her.

Her husband replied, β€œNo darling - I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig1 month ago

Brilliant! Nice sunny day here too. My son and the dog are enjoying being in the garden.

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Dani1
Dani11 month ago

πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Thanks lilyflower love that one. I hope you're doing ok x

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 month ago

Ha ha, a lot of young folk do have a bad rep for lack of common sense, selfishness, laziness etc but was reduced to tears by the story on GMB regarding the 17 yr old care worker who had a cushion made for a resident with his wife's picture on it, she had died a year ago and he was taking her photo to bed with him.

Edit: that was meant to be under today's smile further down lol.

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Loislane
Loislane1 month ago

Haha love it lol xx sunny here too in the east x πŸŒžπŸŒžπŸŒžπŸ’—x

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zelda78
zelda781 month ago
πŸ€£πŸ˜‚
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Loislane
Loislane1 month ago

Night all until we meet again πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ˜€x

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Dani1
Dani11 month ago

Hi everyone I hope you're all keeping well 😍x

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Loislane
Loislane1 month ago

Hey lovely Dani1 I'm OK hope u well hun xx πŸ’—x

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Dani1
Dani11 month ago

Loislane Hi Lois i'm doing fine, thank you. I hope you've had a good day today ❀️x

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Loislane
Loislane1 month ago

Dani1 not really hun x

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