1. Home
  2. Chat
  3. PART 2 - General Chit Chat and 'Smile' of the Day :)

PART 2 - General Chit Chat and 'Smile' of the Day :)

Other

The second round of lockdown

In a few days it will begin

So before you all start to frown

Here’s something to make you grin.

A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: "Our food has arrived! Let's eat!" His wife reminded him: "Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!" Her husband replied: "That's at home, my dear. Here the chef knows how to cook..." πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

lilyflower
3 months ago
What do you think of this?
Ann1984
Ann198410 days ago

Lol bingo wings mine are bad has my weight goes up and down between 8st and 9 all time too lazy to exercise on them

Like
Reply
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
10 days ago

It's a bit breezy here in the NE even though the sun is out. Washing in, hoovering done, fringe cut, I'm on a roll πŸ™‚ A daily smile

After looking in the mirror first thing, a man was alarmed at what he thought was a rather unusual pallor to his skin – while beard and hair were much lighter than the day before. He visited his GP who told him, "Sorry, I have some bad news. You have 'Yellow-24', a really nasty viral condition where the pigmentation cells of the body are compromised and turn everything, skin, the hair even the lips a vibrant canary yellow. It's called 'Yellow-24' because you only have 24 hours before it becomes very noticeable. There's no known cure, so just go home and enjoy your life and try to work out how to adapt to being yellow."

Feeling very dejected, the man trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Feeling so sorry for him, she asks him to go to Bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before and it could take his mind off things

They arrive at Bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins Β£25 then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins Β£100. Then he gets the full house and wins Β£1000,

At this point, the national game board shows that the man has won the rolling jackpot of Β£260,000. The Bingo hall manager gets him up on stage and says: "Sir, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full house and the national rolling jackpot on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth." "LUCKY?" he says....."LUCKY? .....YOU THINK I’M LUCKY…. What you don’t know is that I've got 'Yellow-24'."

"Strewth," says the Bingo manager, "You've won the bloody raffle as well...!"

Like
Reply
1
MrsCraig
MrsCraig10 days ago

Excellent. I haven't had as productive a morning as you. I'm trying to get my son to understand that he isn't allowed outside. He had to go to a&e on Saturday and he now has a boxing glove bandage on his hand and he isn't allowed to get it wet or dirty so he can't go in the garden. He has a sock over it to protect it but he doesnt understand why he can't use his hand properly or why he isn't allowed out.

Like
Reply
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
10 days ago

MrsCraig After a good report on Friday what on earth has he done, that is some damage to get a 'boxing glove' bandage. Are you both ok?

Like
Reply
MrsCraig
MrsCraig10 days ago

lilyflower we are both absolutely fine. He cut his finger and because of how he cut it and where it wouldn't stop bleeding. But he is absolutely fine, just tantruming because he can't get out. He has a boxing glove purely because within 3 seconds of them putting on the protective tape he had pulled it off!

Like
Reply
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
10 days ago

MrsCraig Draw a 'poorly' face on one and a happy face on other sock and get one to talk to the other. Happy telling Poorly how he's going to help make him better by doing the things he can't. Daddy could also have 'talking' socks, lol.

Like
Reply
1
MrsCraig
MrsCraig10 days ago

lilyflower that is a brilliant idea! Will definitely try that. He would love it if Daddy had talking socks, will need to do that too.

Like
Reply
TheChimp
TheChimp10 days ago

Good day to you lilyflower MrsCraig and everyone.

Been very windy here today and Harvey the dog has been very naughty.

Had a chat post taken down today, but I don't know why πŸ€”

I don't go out to be offensive, so I'm not quite sure how it happened.

Anyway, is everyone ok today?

Like
Reply
1
MrsCraig
MrsCraig10 days ago

It was Freya dogs 5th birthday today so she got an extra long walk and she got a steak as her birthday treat! She is now snuggled up on the bed having a sleep.

Like
Reply
1
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
10 days ago

Hi TheChimp it's been breezy up here all day. Everything is ok here, you?

Harvey couldn't possible be naughty, he looks so sweet πŸ™‚

Noticed your post had gone while I was having tea, wasn't me and seemed ok.

Like
Reply
1
TheChimp
TheChimp10 days ago

lilyflower Harvey has been on my case since 5am. Didn't stop until the wife went to work and then went in the double horrors when she didn't take him.

I've been trying to get in touch with admin about the post, but the link I was sent in notifications won't load up on any browser. I don't know what I said to get it taken down to be honest.

It was my mum's birthday today and the 6 bottles of Argentinian Malbec got delivered to her while I was on the phone wishing her a happy birthday. I'm sure she's had a bottle by now.

Like
Reply
1
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
10 days ago

TheChimp Happy Birthday TheChimps mum. I didn't think your post had anything wrong in it but someone could have posted when I was away, this PC world has gone Image

Like
Reply
TheChimp
TheChimp10 days ago

lilyflower Now that gif is doing my eyes in!

Maybe the thread went bad 😬

Like
Reply
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
10 days ago

TheChimp I've changed it, got to keeps your eyes πŸ™‚

Like
Reply
1
TheChimp
TheChimp10 days ago

MrsCraig I've had to stop Harvey eating anything except his normal food now because he always seems to go poorly if we feed him anything else.

He was dying to have some turkey and some pigs in blankets today, but he's been banned ☹️

We could feed our last dog absolutely anything and if she had a choice between my curry leftovers (hot) and the wife's (mild), she'd go for the hot one every time.

I never had to take her out on the lead, but Harvey is a different matter. If the gate is open, he'd be gone within seconds.

Like
Reply
2
TheChimp
TheChimp10 days ago

lilyflower Haha πŸ˜† That's better!

I hope that Tom and Kelsey and admin don't make the site too PC, because it would spoil it. I came here from another site where admin got too heavy handed and it's a joke now.

I do understand that restrictions have to be in force though.

Like
Reply
1
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
9 days ago

TheChimp Yes I agree, but it would be nice if they told the OP the reasons it was taken down and not just standard 'it did not meet guidelines' or email OP the 'offending' comment.

Like
Reply
MrsCraig
MrsCraig9 days ago

TheChimp she gets a steak once on her birthday and our son will feed her his dinner when he is finished with it! She doesn't get ill, just have to watch she doesn't get fat as she would eat all day if you let her! I bet Harvey was very upset he couldn't have some turkey or pigs in blankets! We have to keep Freya on a lead as well and keep the gate shut or she would be off! Jacks are very mischievous it seems!

Like
Reply
1
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
9 days ago

Morning, today is a gooooooood day, my MRI said I had a brain and today they say there is nothing wrong with it πŸ™‚ so what the h... is causing the problem. Doc on holiday and they are only doing phone calls, I'll update next week. However keep smiling πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect.

At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he ran into a couple of old friends and began to chat, soon forgetting about his wife’s party ...

It was well past 8 when he remembered. "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!" He grabbed his bucket, and ran back up the beach all the way to his apartment.

He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails and they rolled all the way down the stairs

The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time.

He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said .........

"Come on guys, we're almost there!!"

Like
Reply
3
Sanitation1234
Sanitation12349 days ago

lilyflower Thanks for smile.

Like
Reply
TheChimp
TheChimp9 days ago

Good afternoon lilyflower Sanitation1234 Loislane

A miserable day here in SW Wales, but there is light at the end of the tunnel because it's KFC chicken Tuesday!

I do like a bit of junk food every so often and as I was too poorly to eat my Big Mac the other day, I'm quite looking forward to it πŸ˜‰

Image

Like
Reply
2
Dennab
Dennab9 days ago

TheChimp There were RAF Hawk fighter jets flying around your area earlier or maybe a little further North. Did you see or hear them?

Like
Reply
Loislane
Loislane9 days ago

TheChimp hey chicken looks great lol nothing beats a nice treat haha x

PS I brought doughnuts bad me lol x

Like
Reply
1
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
9 days ago

Loislane and TheChimp after being told brain ok I bought Image I'll think about the waist next month πŸ™‚

Like
Reply
2
TheChimp
TheChimp9 days ago

Dennab Na, nothing around here today.

We used to have planes going over quite often, but nothing much in the last 18 months or so.

Like
Reply
TheChimp
TheChimp9 days ago

Loislane I hope that it wasn't me being a bad influence 😲

Like
Reply
1
TheChimp
TheChimp9 days ago

lilyflower And why not? Can't beat a bit of cake.

Like
Reply
1
Loislane
Loislane9 days ago

lilyflower I loveeeee the cake send me a bit lol x Image

Like
Reply
Loislane
Loislane9 days ago

TheChimp noooo I'm a secret doughnut eater lol x Image

Like
Reply
1
Dennab
Dennab9 days ago

TheChimp I think they were a little more central off the coast directly West of Snowdonia so maybe too high up if you're South West.

Like
Reply
Sanitation1234
Sanitation12348 days ago

TheChimp where are you are you still having your kFC chicken just joking I hope you’re ok .😊

Like
Reply
Loislane
Loislane9 days ago

Hey my lovely lilyflower hugs from the east πŸ’– And hello to all hope you all well x 😊

Like
Reply
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
8 days ago

Hello all, a new month - will it be any different, doubt it, but hey let's us all smile together πŸ™‚

Three people were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?" They all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, You have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first person and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

"Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first one hung their head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second person, stuck the photo in their face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other person? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"

The second one sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last person and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the photo in their face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

"I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.

He looked up with a puzzled expression, and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The last applicant rolled their eyes and said ...........

"Well, of course! With only one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

Like
Reply
3
Sanitation1234
Sanitation12348 days ago

lilyflower Thanks for smile i hope everyone ok today first day of July my favourite flowers for everyone Image

Like
Reply
1
MrsCraig
MrsCraig8 days ago

Thanks, as always, for the smile. My good deed for the day was to give away a pair of boots for free. The woman was very grateful and really appreciated it. Made my day to be able to help someone else.

Like
Reply
2
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
8 days ago

Morning MrsCraig It's always good to pass on something that still has wear in it. My eldest had a snowsuit that then did his cousin, sister, and three half cousins, not sure where it went after that. How's the little mans hand?

Like
Reply
2
MrsCraig
MrsCraig8 days ago

lilyflower my clothes were passed down to my cousin too! I wasn't going to wear them again, but there was loads of life in them, so I'm glad someone else will get the wear out of them.

His hand is fine, doesn't seem to be bothering him at all, got to wear the boxing glove till tomorrow and then he can get it off and just have a normal plaster.

Like
Reply
1
Sanitation1234
Sanitation12348 days ago

That’s good thing you done today that woman must be very happy today. in lilyflower reply comment for you mention about your son hand what’s happened why he got plaster on I miss some comments didn’t read them also my brother in Hospital too he had heart operation he spoke to me on phone this morning that’s why I been here this morning no body allowed to visit him in Hospital I hope he will be ok soon. lots of love for your little one take care see you soon

Like
Reply
1
MrsCraig
MrsCraig8 days ago

Sanitation1234 he cut it at the weekend and because of how he cut it it wouldn't stop bleeding so had to take him to a&e. He is absolutely fine, he has boxing glove bandage because he pulled the extra strong tape off in 3 seconds! His finger is fine though, as is he.

I hope your brother is ok. Our son had a heart operation so I understand that this must be a worrying time for you. I'm sure your brother will be fine, he will be in my prayers 😊

Like
Reply
1
Sanitation1234
Sanitation12348 days ago

MrsCraig Thanks for your heart πŸ’•touching words I am feeling sorry for your son finger will be ok soon thank God his finger fine take care God bless him he is also in my prayers too 😊

Like
Reply
1
MrsCraig
MrsCraig8 days ago
Like
Reply
1
Loislane
Loislane8 days ago

Morning all hope all are well xx happy July with hugs from me in the east πŸ’– x

Like
Reply
2
TheChimp
TheChimp8 days ago

Good afternoon to lilyflower and the gang.

Decided to have a glass of nice chilled sauvignon blanc and watch Four in a Bed after cooking the wife a chicken and chorizo paella for lunch (was supposed to do it days ago πŸ™„)

Easy peasy jalfrezi from a jar tonight if we decide to eat.

I hope that everyone's troubles get better soon.

Like
Reply
2
MrsCraig
MrsCraig8 days ago

Omg that lunch sounds amazing! Love Four in a Bed!

Like
Reply
2
Sanitation1234
Sanitation12348 days ago

TheChimp nice to see you here I cook chicken pasta today .Edit I am sorry I removed pic reason my daughter put same pic on her insta to show her friends Incase safe side I hope you will not mind.😊

Like
Reply
1
TheChimp
TheChimp8 days ago
Like
Reply
1
TheChimp
TheChimp7 days ago

Good morning to lilyflower and everyone.

I am sooooooo bored.

On a better note, I've lost some more weight! That's over a stone since lockdown!

I hope that you all have a good day.

Gonna find something to do now. Maybe make a bacon sandwich πŸ€”

Like
Reply
2
Lynibis
Lynibis7 days ago

Surprised you have lost weight as you have mentioned before your lunch and dinner plans. I couldn't possibly eat two meals in one day, I would be the size of a house! I have disciplined myself during lockdown with breakfast between 10 and 11 and evening meal around 6 to 7 and I still haven't lost any significant weight. I have terrible metabolism due to thyroid but I expect lack of exercise while not working doesn't help.

Like
Reply
1
TheChimp
TheChimp7 days ago

Lynibis I don't really eat too much, I just cook for the wife tbh who has put on a pile of weight.

I rarely eat breakfast or lunch and just have a dinner.

I don't snack on anything either.

If it wasn't for the wine, I'd be a lot lighter!

The OH is making me start on the Wii Fit today.

Like
Reply
1
Lynibis
Lynibis7 days ago

TheChimp lol, so you obviously enjoy cooking. I am a bit like that always plying family and friends with food. Hope you do the Wii Fit together, be lots more fun.

Like
Reply
1
Prev1
←
131415
β†’
16Next
One of the UK's largest deal hunting communities

Join for free to get genuine deals, money saving advice and help from our friendly community

Kelsey, Tom
& Deepak
Founders
Founders of Latest Deals
We use cookies (e.g. personalisation, analytics, social media). Find out more.