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PART 2 - General Chit Chat and 'Smile' of the Day :)

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The second round of lockdown

In a few days it will begin

So before you all start to frown

Here’s something to make you grin.

A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant. When their food arrived, the husband said: "Our food has arrived! Let's eat!" His wife reminded him: "Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!" Her husband replied: "That's at home, my dear. Here the chef knows how to cook..." πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

lilyflower
3 months ago
What do you think of this?
Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

MrsCraig aww bless him xx

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1
Ann1984
Ann19842 months ago

lilyflower πŸ˜‚ brill typical Welsh weather today rain

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Ann1984 Rain would be lovely, it might keep the numpties that are ignoring the 'stay inside' rule actually inside.

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Ann1984
Ann19842 months ago

lilyflower yeah true weather man says about a week we got

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

Haha love it hun its raining here and bit chilly I'm watching a film havng duvet day x πŸ’–

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Morning all. Loislane Lynibis Dani1 MrsCraig Ann1984 davidstockport

How to pull hair out in one easy lesson? = Speak to my Mother in Law!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was last nights conversation

Her. Can you get some bread from the local baker tomorrow (Wed)

Me. No, they're closed, what about the Morrisons loaves in the freezer

Her. It wasn't as nice, I fed it to the birds

Him. (OH) Mother, it's all you'll get and we don't shop until Thursday

Her. But I've got no bread, Will they be open on Thursday

Him. NO, we'll get you one from Morrisons

Her. It's not as nice, I like the bakers

Him. It's all you can get. It's the new normal

Her. Will the baker be open Saturday

and so it went on ...………...…….

No joke this morning, I'll post one later, just some words

We fell asleep in one world, and woke up in another.

Suddenly Disney is out of magic,

Paris is no longer romantic,

New York doesn't stand up anymore,

the Chinese wall is no longer a fortress, and Mecca is empty.

Hugs & kisses suddenly become weapons,

not visiting parents & friends becomes an act of love.

Suddenly you realise that power, beauty & money are worthless,

and can't get you the oxygen you're fighting for.

The world continues its life and it is beautiful.

It only puts humans in cages.

I think it's sending us a message:

"You are not necessary. The air, earth, water and sky without you are fine.

When you come back, remember that you are my guests. Not my masters."

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Lynibis
Lynibis2 months ago

Very sobering words, sadly humans are adept at ignoring the world's messages. Since time immemorial wealth and power has set the standard for the way we live.

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

My mum sent me this 2 weeks ago, still as powerful. Oh don't get me started on family arguments over stupid things! We've had fallouts over newspapers, toothbrushes, supermarkets, pharmacies, fish, flags, how to hang washing, I could go on.

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

So true hun afternoon lilyflower and all hope all safe well stay strong lots love x πŸ’–πŸ’–

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Morning Loislane Lynibis MrsCraig Ann1984 Dani1 from a cold and damp County Durham. Hope this one makes you smile πŸ™‚

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband

"I must confess darling, I used to be a hooker!"

"That's alright dear" he says "Your past is your past, and I have to admit I find it a bit erotic. Tell me about it!"

The wife says " Well, my name was Nigel and I used to play for Wigan...."

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3
MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

Another good one. It isn't very nice here today. Cold and raining, my son isn't allowed today and he is not happy about it!

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Ann1984
Ann19842 months ago

πŸ˜‚ Wet here again too so thought be good idea to clean oven not good idea

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1
Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

Haha love it hey lilyflower and all cloudy here in east hope all stay safe x πŸ’–

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Loislane Image having a staying in day lol brought the shopping forward yesterday to go get 'the bread' and I had no milk or eggs left, still got no eggs 😞 they'll have to wait.

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

lilyflower I'm having a everything just getting to me day lol shouldn't laugh but gotta keep strong big hugs from the east babe x πŸ’–

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Dani1
Dani12 months ago

Hi everyone 😍 Thanks lilyflower love the jokes, how are you? I hope everyone is keeping well x

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

I'm ok, OH struggling with lockdown, but we'll get there, just been for a walk after the rain stopped. You keeping ok?

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Dani1
Dani12 months ago

lilyflower It's lovely to hear that you are doing ok. I hope your OH will be ok, it's difficult during lockdown. I agree that going for walks can really help at times x Off tomorrow so going for an early walk. Been speaking to family and friends and have noticed this week that it has been a tougher for a few of them in lockdown. We'll definitely get there x ❀️

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Dani1 It's good you've got a day off, enjoy. Could you not get two off? My daughter's not off 'til Tuesday then it's her boyfriend Grandads funeral 😞

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Dani1
Dani12 months ago

lilyflower I'm off on Sunday too. I'm so sorry to hear about her boyfriend's grandad. I hope you daughter is doing ok x I hope your OH is feeling ok. Hopefully there will be less rain tomorrow and some sunshine ❀️

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Dani1
Dani12 months ago

Night lilyflower and everyone, stay safe x

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Good morning Loislane Lynibis Dani1 MrsCraig Ann1984 angemski and all other LD people, it is bright and sunny in County Durham. Hope you all got up early to wash in the May dew for everlasting beauty πŸ™‚ Here is Fridays smile -

A Marine was due to join his ship when it visited a small port. However, by the time he arrived very late the night before, he found that every room was taken in the only hotel.

"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where, I'm knackered."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy man," admitted the manager, "and I’m sure he’ll be glad to split the cost when he sees the size of his bar bill tonight. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."

"No problem," the Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next day when, the Marine checked out the manager asked, "How'd you sleep?" "Never better," was the reply. β€œNo problem with the sailor snoring, then?" asked the manager. "Nope, I shut him up in no time." said the Marine. "How?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, woke him up, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' ………………

………….and he sat up all night watching me!"

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angemski
angemski2 months ago

Haha good one! Morning. It's so good to see the sun after a few days of heavy rain. First day in weeks that I have nothing planned - absolutely nothing! Highlight of today will be a grocery delivery but I'm a bit surprised all the ranges of eggs are out of stock - that's no yoke! I do have something to look forward to though as I had a sod-it moment and put a bottle of Sicilian Lemon Gin in the trolley. I am not apologising! πŸ˜†

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

πŸ˜‚ excellent! It is a bit cold and grey here today. We are planning to take our son on his first proper walk today as his first proper pair of shoes have arrived! We haven't got out since this started, just been in the house and garden, so he is going to love it.

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

Haha great I love it πŸ˜‚lol its cloudy here hope you all have a nice day x πŸ’Ÿ

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

It's Saturday folks Loislane Lynibis Ann1984 Dani1 MrsCraig the weekend is here, oh everyday is a weekend at the minute. Pleasantly warm and sunny in the NE - Smile πŸ™‚

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful woman driving down the highway sees a man crying at the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of her car and asks the man what is wrong. "I feel terrible" he explains "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED him".

The woman says "Don't worry" - she runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down and sprays the contents over him. The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, then hops down the road another ten feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves... and repeats this again and again until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and asks, "What's in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It reads...

"Hair Spray - restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave".

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2
MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

πŸ˜‚ another good one! Weather is a bit dull here today, hopefully it will brighten up later.

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

MrsCraig How did the shoe walk go yesterday? Mine never wanted to take them off again.

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

lilyflower he was running about all over the place, didn't want to come inside!

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2
Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

Haha always as funny as ever πŸ˜€ its sunny here not up to much really may try my luck on some comps stay safe all x

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

@losilane starting to cloud over and I'm tackling the second curtain that needs altering, first one has been done for 2 weeks, just couldn't be ar**d but window does look odd Image

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

lilyflower I've just been checking out twitter tidying up just haven't the energy today my emotions all over the place anyway.

Sending you big hug and don't take no crap lol x

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Bright and sunny in the NE Loislane Lynibis Ann1984 MrsCraig Dani1 Today can we a good day or a bad day depending how you look at it. From my sisters side it's a good day, her birthday. From mine a bad day - she arrived ?? years ago, 😱 We do like each other now, she sends the joke/smile of the day πŸ™‚

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."

As you can imagine, she was more than a little disappointed. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything at all. She asks, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present this year?"

He replies, "Because you still haven’t used the present I got you last year!"

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

We had a nice day today so we went for a other walk. We walked past the house where my sons friend lives and he was in the living room at the time, so I lifted my son up and my friend lifted her son up and the two of them waved at each other and very smiling loads, it was very sweet

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2
Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

Morning hun hope you well and bearing up x got love siblings eh lol x hugs from the east πŸ’–x

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lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Good Monday morning, it's the Bank Holiday that's not that will be on Friday, how to confuse people already confused by lockdown. It's a dull start in the NE but dry - Did anyone else have thunder and lightning yesterday afternoon?

Little Johnny's father asked him if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked β€œwhat's wrong?”

"Oh, Dad," little Johnny sobbed, "first, I learned there was no Santa Claus, then I found out there was no Easter Bunny and, finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have xes, I've got nothing left to look forward to.”

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2
Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

Omg haha πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚love it well its warm here I'm chilling upstairs looking for comps and freebies x

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johnpizzey
johnpizzey2 months ago

Allways look on the bright side of life 🎢🎢

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1
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Hi johnpizzey you found my nonsense chat πŸ™‚ updated daily with what day it is, weather and a smile Image

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1
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago

Morning all Loislane Lynibis MrsCraig Dani1 johnpizzey Ann1984 it's TUESDAY. Today it is dull outside and in, OH in dumps 😞 going to be a long day. Smile it's about all we can do freely πŸ™‚

Glenn and his wife were working in their garden one day when Glenn looks over at his wife and says, "Your butt is getting really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue." With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!" The wife chose to ignore the husband. Later that night in bed Glenn was feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie …………….?”

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

Brilliant πŸ˜‚ cold here today and not as sunny, been doing housework this morning. My son had me up at 6am, after barely sleeping all night. On the plus side I entered some comps and made Β£2 from doing surveys whilst he slept on me!

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

Haha brilliant that told him lol x πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚today in the east is sunny I'm not feeling to great today but keeping strong x stay amazing lovely lilyflower and all πŸ’—x

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1
lilyflower
lilyflower
Original Poster
2 months ago
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1
MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

Image

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

lilyflower aww thanks so need one those x πŸ’—

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

MrsCraig aww hun πŸ’—x

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

Loislane find the biggest teddy you have in the house and give it a big hug! It is the next best thing x

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

MrsCraig I don't have any sadly lol x you have send me one down babe x πŸ’—

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig2 months ago

Loislane all our teddy's belong to my son and he isn't keen on giving any of them up! X

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Loislane
Loislane2 months ago

MrsCraig I was joking lovely lol I would much prefer a human hug πŸ’—πŸ˜€x

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