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Travelling Abroad for Wedding When Bridesmaid/best Man

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Have been asked to be maid or honour at good friends wedding - theyre having a do in the uk but have decided out of nowhere to marry abroad. I cant afford to do what they want 5 star hotel peak season etc should I step down or do you think they should contribute? money is not an issue for them but I wouldnt dream of asking but my brother thinks I should- I have said I cant afford it, Advice please?

OneeyedRaven
12 months ago
What do you think of this?
Lynibis
Lynibis12 months ago

This is a really complicated issue with lots of reasons why they may have decided this out of the blue. The first thing that springs to mind is that they want to cut the number of guests down. From what you have said they asked you to be MOH before deciding to go abroad and can't very well ask you now to step down.

They may now be wanting a small intimate ceremony with only close family and are actually hoping people will drop out!

Whilst I am not against marrying abroad I do think it is out of order to expect guests to stump up such a lot to attend. I personally could not ask for help with costs as I would assume they would have offered if being MOH was an important part of their plan. (Most weddings abroad are purely civil affairs and do not have specific jobs for people to do).

My son got married in Cyprus 2 years ago and they only invited siblings and their family and parents. I do not have a partner so they were happy for me to bring my sister. We made our own travel arrangements and found a small, cheaper hotel nearby, it is not compulsory to stay in the same 5* hotel. It cost 5 euros for the taxi to the wedding and my dear son paid half of my outlay as it was a week away which I would have had anyway as my annual holiday. I am lucky in that I could afford it. The only thing that ruined it for me was the 42 degree heat!

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KirsteyJames
KirsteyJames12 months ago

I would speak to your friend and let them know that although you would love to be moh but sorry you cant afford it. I wouldnt ask them to contribute but they may offer when you tell them.

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig12 months ago

I would tell them that whilst you would love to be maid of honour, you can't afford it. It will then be up to them what they decide to do.

You don't need to stay in the 5 star hotel. Find a cheaper one and then travel to the hotel on the morning of the ceremony to get ready with the bride.

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sunny101
sunny10112 months ago

I have to agree with the other comments. It looks as though they want to cut down on the amount of guests present and this was their solution. Because it is a good friend (and this will test the friendship.....) tell her the truth that you've spent a lot of time thinking about the situation and decided that you cannot afford this new plan - you would have to go into debt if you accepted the role. We all tend to be economical with the truth so as not to offend or hurt people but it would be so much easier if we could explain situations simply and honestly. It is unrealistic to incur a large outlay without a few months' notice but perhaps they didn't even consider how it would impact guests. Whatever you decide - tell them sooner rather than later. Good Luck

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Ceebers
Ceebers
Mentor
12 months ago

Graciously step back and explain your position. I would not expect the bride and groom to pay if it was me. Just my humble opinion...

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MeestairChrees
MeestairChrees12 months ago

You said you've said you can't afford it, so does that mean you've told the wedding couple? If yes, what have they said? If no, tell them and see what they say.

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