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What To Do to When You Have No Friends

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Ok living on the north west not one friend REALLY and I would like to ask if any one suffers the same

TraceyHitchmoug
1 year ago
What do you think of this?
sunny101
sunny1011 year ago

I honestly believe it is a common problem that people don't want to admit to. Steps can be taken to improve your opportunities to make friends but those steps depend on your personal circumstances. If you have children - volunteer a couple of hours or more a week at their school to read with children, offer a bit of time to the PTA to help with events. Children don't mind shy people so if that holds you back please don't let it. If you are eligible for free courses - take them! There's no better way to meet people who have similar interests. The problem with not having friends is that the art of conversation become difficult so you need to re-discover that skill. I am sure there will be many suggestions given on this thread. Update us on your progress another time.

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 year ago

I hope we do get some feed back from Tracey. If I started a topic like this I would be back asap to see what advice or comments it has gleaned.

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sunny101
sunny1011 year ago

Lynibis I am putting the lack of response down to the fact that TraceyHitchmoug hasn't gotten involved on the site very much since she joined. Perhaps she will acknowledge the thread later as there has been lots of support and constructive suggestions. πŸ˜†

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davidstockport
davidstockport1 year ago

The last thing a person who has no friends should do is try to find friends, instead they need to find acquaintances who might later become friends, and should remember that many people who use the word "friend" don't know what it means.

If you try to act towards others in the way you want others to act towards you, you'll soon find friends.

One good friend is worth a hundred so called friends who are nothing more than "hangers on". In fact having no friends at all is better than having a hundred of those not worthy of the word.

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nicolajaynehend
nicolajaynehend1 year ago

I live in the highlands of Scotland. I've a few friends. But I love living here. I am likey because I live on on a small farm. And I've just finished lambin g. Yes it's hard to make friends. I have one friend and she is here there every were. Never at home. I would not like that sort of life. I do live on my own. And I have bbq. Which I do enjoy. I can go to the beach. It's only 3 miles from me. I make the best of what I got. I have a movie nights. I also have a spa evening. I do go out some evenings. But I am mostly at home. I am very happy with my way of living and would not charge it for the world. Who needs friends when you can please your self. πŸ€—πŸ€—

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SusanEaston327
SusanEaston3271 year ago

i dont have many friends its took some time to make 2 infact almost 4 year and i live in north east supposedly freindly in geordie land ha makes me laugh

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig1 year ago

Since I got married and moved 4 years ago, I barely see my friends. My best friend lives 4 hours away, another friend lives 5 minutes away, I see them both about the same amount of times in a year.

I lost a few friends when I got married as they were jealous and stopped speaking to me. Others haven't bothered with me since I've had my son.

My granny said that when you are in a tough situation you find out who your friends are, I can say that she was 100% right.

I think you need to find things that interest you and go from there. It is not easy to make friends when you move to a new place or start a new job. Find people that enjoy the things you do.

I only have a few close friends and I would rather have a few true friends than a hundred fake ones.

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nipperjwb
nipperjwb1 year ago

I have 1 amazing best friend who has been with me through thick and thin since we met at work almost 35 years ago. We don’t see each other all the time but we do message every day. Without her I would be lost I think. I do have other friends but none that I see regularly but I’m quite happy in my little world.

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 year ago

People with lifelong friends tend to meet at school or uni. Starts with loads but falls off when jobs, relationships and children take over and you find you are left with a few genuine friends.

That is not to say you cannot make good friends later in life but it is like relationships, shared history gives you a firm foundation, knowing each other's past and family etc.

I went to about 10 different schools and was always the new girl so had no friends although I got on fine with others in everyday life. When we bought first house I became friends with the neighbour and 34 years on we are still besties, have watched our kids grow and been there for each other through thick and thin. I have 3 other friends that I have made in the last 15/20 years and that is because I learned to take an interest in others and became a good listener. I also keep in touch and do not allow too much time to pass without a lunch date and catch up.

I would sooner have these 4 friends than dozens of fly by nights or people i have never met on social media.

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EM88
EM881 year ago

I can't really give you advice, because I am the same. I don't know if it helps or not... Just wanted to say You are not alone.

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tumblespots
tumblespots1 year ago

Real friends are hard to come by. Most people can count real friends on one hand. Lots of people have acquaintances online/offline and the younger you are the more 'friends' you say you have, perhaps saying that you have hundreds of friends on facebook for example, but these aren't friends. A friend is there for you whatever, isn't there to judge but will help you when things go wrong and celebrate with you when they are right/good. Being a friend is equally hard, being prepared not to judge but to accept no matter what. I think most people are lonely - because in this day and age we don't want to open ourselves up to critism or ridicule so it's easier to be alone.

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 year ago

I have a good example of this. You may have read i had a house guest recently, for about 5 weeks. I have known her for about 30 years and got to know her well as we worked together for many of those years. However, despite getting along well we never socialised except at retirements, birthdays etc and until recently I had not seen her for many years. Mutual friends kept me appraised of her comings and goings.

I kind of envied her as she was a free spirit (one child) and every bit of holiday entitlement she was abroad meeting interesting people, making friends. An Iranian poet, an Indian doctor etc as these holidays were never run of the mill, always exotic and far flung. During her time with me she was constantly in contact with her 100s of friends on fb etc but when she came home in March from 6 months in India she had no home and nowhere to go. None of her friends or even her mother could put her up for more than a couple of nights, hence her sojourn with me. There is not really much more to add is there? Draw your own conclusions. But suffice to say she is living in one single room doing a job far below her previous post and has blown all her redundancy money.

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tumblespots
tumblespots1 year ago

Lynibis Wise words - not everyone who appears to be having fun is happy or even has a single friend. Real life can be quite sad & lonely.

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zerocenturyzero
zerocenturyzero1 year ago

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people to be interested in you.

Dale Carnegie

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 year ago

I know this is full of strangers but after 3 days you have not replied to anyone or showed any interest. I would think that might give you an inkling, communication is a two way street.

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Tulip2uk
Tulip2uk1 year ago

Yes communication is key 😁

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sunny101
sunny1011 year ago

Image

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jmsonl
jmsonl1 year ago

I really can't help you as I am in the same boat. When I got divorced everyone we knew that socialised with us due to the kids ended up continuing play dates etc with the ex. I have my best mate who lives 150 miles away and I see him twice a year. Besides that everyone else I know is through volunteering yet not people I hang round with to have fun. No idea whatsoever how to make new friends at my end. These kind of social bonds just don't seem to be achievable at my age.

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 year ago

It does seem to be harder as you get older as you have no shared lifetime experiences and there is not so much time left to make any! My longer comment above expands on this.

However, my last partner and I hung out with two other couples most weekends, all in our 50s, but after our split I remained good friends with one of the women and we still meet up for lunch etc 13/14 years on. There just wasn't the same rapport with the other lady.

I have recently met another lady through work but our chats are always being cut short so last time we both said we should meet up for tea/coffee. I feel a friendship coming on as we have really hit it off!

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AgnesFaludi
AgnesFaludi1 year ago

I think people are cold and do not want friends without benefits and it is a sad thing.

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Ceebers
Ceebers
Mentor
1 year ago

Thanks for raising the topic. It's an important issue personally to me. This is quite a common problem and is not often spoken of. I live out in the countryside and rarely do any of my friends visit me. Rather, I meet up with some of them overseas and combine a holiday.

At weekends, since visiting my local Costa, I have met a few locals that I sit and chat to. We sometimes go out for dinner occasionally too. I would recommend findling some local places to hang out so that you can just get out for a chat.

Do you have any particular interests that you would like to pursue and join local groups? Or perhaps sign up for a course at your local college. I keep meaning to do this to learn Italian; properly! But I never seem to find the time.

I am super lucky that I have a partner who I spend the majority of my free time with. So many of my friends now have children and time is always pressing for them. Life gets busy I guess.

Since moving house, I have recently got to know two of my neighbours and we have been out for a drink a couple of times.

Also, as I am a contractor, I move jobs rather a lot and get to meet new faces that way. It's rare that you meet life-long friends. However, in my last two jobs I have been so lucky to meet a couple of colleagues that I would consider to be more than acquaintances (even if the friendships are digital in the most part now).

I know it's not quite the same, but I have met some many lovely peeps through the Latest Deals community and it is great being part of something with a common goal. I did meet up with AgnesFaludi a few times in London which was fun. Although she now lives up in Cheshire, we are very much in touch online. (Ssshh... she's on my Christmas card list, along with a few others).

I think this is a Chat thread that I would like to see continuing. TraceyHitchmoug perhaps we could think of some topics to generate banter. What do think??? Xx

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Username55157
Username551571 year ago

I get where you are coming from. I was a contractor in male dominated jobs for 15 years since moving 200 miles north and now am the only woman at a small company, so have had no chance to meet friends that way, people here are only friends with people that they can get something out of too it seems, (overheard people saying that so many times) so I am quite happy with my own company if that's the option. The street I live on, most people rent so are only there for a short time and unless you speak in the same accent as others in the local area then people won't talk to you, as you will never be one of them. Luckily I have some amazing friends still down south and still serving in the Navy, so although we can't just pop round for a coffee and a chat, they are still there at the end of a phone or computer.

If you are comfortable in your own company, then it is a lot easier, but a lot of people aren't, when people reach out to you, like they have on this thread, acknowledge it, get to know people on here and other social media platforms and then the world doesn't seem such a lonely place.

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Ceebers
Ceebers
Mentor
1 year ago

elise Well said. And thanks for commenting. Xx

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Username55157
Username551571 year ago

Ceebers no problem

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JennyCasey
JennyCasey1 year ago

Absolutely. I live just over the border in Scotland near Gretna, I've been here 2 years and not had a singke visitor ir guest. I have no friends or family anywhere near. I can't tell you hioneky & isolated I feel. I used to really get me down, now not so much, I've just grown to accept it. Its horrible though, I really do understand how your feeling. I trued everything to make friends, but as I'm not originally from here, I just didn't fit in, couldn't understand the local dialect, jokes, pretty much anything they talked about.

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Username55157
Username551571 year ago

Bless you, totally empathise with everything you have said, I struggle with the dialect and I'm only in the Midlands, friends and family are still 3 hours away though

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JennyCasey
JennyCasey1 year ago

elise yep 3+ hours here too. Going from Yorkshire to Scottish is very hard, it literally is a totally different language etc. I'm heading home though. I've had enough. Hate being rural, there are no opportunities or things fir my kids to do. They are increasingly isolated too so moving home before it impacts on their development too much. They need freedom & indekendance, lots of extra carrucukar activities, fruebds they too can hang out with & experience life with.

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 year ago

JennyCasey obviously a person's situation cannot be learned from a couple of comments but as to not having a visitor or guest, have you invited anyone round? Unfortunately some locals regard outsiders warily and are not always welcoming but then again some newcomers do not make an effort to blend in.

I have tried being friendly to the couple next door, taken in parcels chatted on doorstep when taking them round, given back the kids toys when landed in my garden etc. But maybe they are wary of becoming friendly with an older person in case I become a burden!

I would raise kids in the country over town any day. Towns are so dangerous these days with heavy traffic, gangs, drugs, over crowded schools etc. But as I said I do not know your situation and whatever you do I hope you find happiness.

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JennyCasey
JennyCasey1 year ago

Lynibis yes, Ive done all the leg work regarding being inviting, chatty etc. Joining the PTA, community volunteering projects, everything. I'm totally aware it's a 2 way street. My close family only contact me to emotionally blackmail me for money, it's my wider family that I'm closer too. People just have their own lives & aren't keen on stepping out of their own bubbles either. I just can't wait to move home where I've a massive extended family & loads of friends eagerly awaiting my return with open arms & welcome home banners. Oh & cake, lots & lots of cake😁 sometimes you just have to be the change & change your life completely if it's not working & you've tried everything. You can't expect others to do it for you. You can't rely on others to be the key to your happiness.

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 year ago

In order to make a friend you have to be a friend. Friendship doesn't come knocking it has to be grown and nurtured, just like family relationships. Reaching out and making the first move is hard, but it starts with the offer to a neighbour of a cup of tea, an invite to come in for lunch, gradually asking non intrusive questions that build the bricks of a friendship. Offer to cut someone's grass, talk about films and watch one together, offer a lift into town and meet up for coffee before the return trip.

Friendship can be irrelevant of age, race, religion, gender, it is the meeting of 2 souls that see something in the other.

Why should I do all the giving and asking? Because maybe that other person is shy or embarrassed, or thinks you will reject their overtures.

Making friends was easier back in the day, mums were more at home, there was no social media where people are alone in a chat room, neighbours looked out for one another and it was commonplace for friends, family and neighbours to 'come in for their dinner'. Nothing fancy, whatever was on offer.

Now couples both work, free time is rare and is spent together or keeping up with just the chores of life. But of course, couples have each other so they manage and don't need friends so much. They don't think about the single parent or the elderly neighbour, you know the one who always says hello or offers a homemade cake. But still that old person is ignored next time because they may take time out of your day that is precious to you.

But truly, what is precious? Time communicating and interacting with other human beings or ignoring all around you because 'it is easier that way'?

Most human beings respond to kindness and a friendly word or two. It is a lot harder to be rude, offensive or to ignore someone you have got to know well.

Ever thought why violence seems so prevalent these days? Because we don't know each other and it is far easier to burgle that old geezer down the road or use a knife on his 17 year old grandson, mug that woman you see go by each day when you don't even know their name. But imagine doing that to someone you have known and interacted with on a friendly basis.

Don't wait for friends to come to you, make the move yourself and keep doing it (without being a nuisance) until the barriers come down. For all that you give you will receive back manyfold, if it is done with a good heart.

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Username55157
Username551571 year ago

That may have once been true, but government and police statistics have shown that 67% of crimes in the UK are by someone the victim knows. The drug issue in this country is worse than it has ever been and addicts don't care who they hurt when they are high and studies have shown that they actually prefer to hurt people they know as they think 'they will understand'.

People aren't as welcoming even when you do make the effort, neighbours and strangers used to say hello and pass the time of day with others, but that has declined rapidly, you are more likely to get verbal abuse with pleasantries than make friends. Any help you try to give others is generally met with disdain. In the past all of what you have mentioned would have happened but in todays society it doesn't. People are so wary of peoples motives that they don't reach out to others or reject people that reach out to them. Unfortunately those days have long gone and with times as they are I don't think that they will come back. Yes it is still nice to be friendly and to try and help others but by doing so you are actually putting yourself at risk these days, sad but unfortunately true

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 year ago

elise I take on board all you say, and agree to a certain extent. But we must live in very different worlds as I don't think I have ever made a kind gesture, spoken randomly to anyone who has ever been rude back. My sons accuse me of being naive and too trusting but so far I have walked with angels and will continue to reach out and treat others how I would like them to treat me. Surely we should all make the effort to reverse the trend and go back to a time of sharing and caring. JennyCasey I am so glad you will be amongst friends and family again. Enjoy the cake, I know I would!

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Username55157
Username551571 year ago

Lynibis different worlds or different areas at least, I find it very much a regional thing. Take for instance the original poster of this, there has been no response at all, despite you and others asking for one, surely that speaks volumes? Whilst she may have her own reasons for not responding, people soon stop trying to reach out and that is what sparked my comment. I will still talk to people I don't know, say hello to strangers in a queue etc and go out of my way to help people, but I do know of others that have had nothing but rudeness and aggression back when doing the same. Whilst I think that there are still decent people out there, I don't think we can ever reverse the trend from how it is now, no matter how much we try, but I like that you believe we can.

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Ceebers
Ceebers
Mentor
1 year ago

I like the chatter about how we define 'friendship these days'. Everyone is so busy and life just gets in the way. I take pleasure in the small things. I am one of those really annoying people who randomly starts conversations with complete strangers. It can often make a difference. Sometimes I have struck up friendships with the most random of peeps!

What I notice the most, certainly when travelling in London, people only chat when there is a crisis. Like a tube delay can guarantee to get everyone muttering. Kind of annoying but that is just the way it goes and you have to go with it... I have certainly made 'commuter friends' over the years, on the trains, and although we rarely see each other outside of travelling, it's that common action of 'we are all in it together' that we share an experience; whatever that may be.

Also my volunteering offers up unique experiences every summer when I am a London Ambassador. Although I only see some of the volunteers throughout the summer on shift, again it's that collective, team action that has helped to form some nice acquaintances. So although I could not testify to having a huge friendship base, I try to go out of my way to interact, or seek out, opportunities to connect and work with others.

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eyeballkerry
eyeballkerry1 year ago

Wow, just been reading all your comments and it does seem you have a little community going, thus helping us who do not have friends to talk to. Thanks for all advice given by so many caring people.

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 year ago

Here is a story, it has no purpose, no hidden meaning but take from it what you will. A young couple came into my office one day to register the birth of their child. From the moment he sat down the father was surly, rude and answered begrudgingly giving the minimum of detail. Half way through I put the top on my pen, leant forward, met his eyes and smiled. 'From the time you sat down you have made it very clear that you do not want to be here and I am finding your attitude rather upsetting. I have been nothing but polite and friendly to you throughout and I really do not deserve this'. Or words to that effect.

He became quiet and subdued and at the end of the appointment they got up to leave. As he got to the door he turned, smiled and said, 'I am sorry I was rude to you. Thank you for registering my son'. And left.

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KirsteyJames
KirsteyJames1 year ago

I married my best friend πŸ€£πŸ™Š we have friends from school and most of our other friends we have met through our childrens sports clubs and baby classes etc. If you dont have children maybe you could try going out and doing something you would enjoy. Like exercise classes, pottery, painting, walking group or even volunteer in a charity shop or something.

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Ceebers
Ceebers
Mentor
1 year ago

Almost the weekend! Enjoy!!!

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RebeccaAnd25138
RebeccaAnd251381 year ago

I have just moved to the UK (Northern Ireland) about 5 months ago with just my husband and baby girl. We know no one and have no family here. I am still looking for a job so I literally sit at home every single day and the only person I have any sort of conversation with is my 9 month old which isn't exactly the kind of conversation I am after lol. Its extremely lonely so I keep myself busy online and looking for deals, discounts and freebies so I can get through the day until my husband comes home. I honestly cannot wait to get a job and have more human interaction.

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 year ago

That is so brave of you both, not sure I could do it. I wish you lots of luck job hunting and although babies aren't the best conversationalists, make the most of her while you are still at home. 9 months is such a lovely age for learning. There is a great thread on chatting to babies on Parenting which I am sure you can find above on search.

Meanwhile there is always someone chatting on here and it is worth going into each topic as they often divert on to other subjects.

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig1 year ago

My husband is from Northern Ireland! Where about are you? I have lived in Scotland all my life but don't have many friends, I have a few that live near by but most live 4 hours away! I also stay home everyday with a baby, my son is 6 months. Are there any local baby groups that you could go to? Our library runs a bookbug session and the local community centre does baby and toddler groups. Brilliant for you and for baby.

If you ever fancy a chat, that's what we are all here for.

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RebeccaAnd25138
RebeccaAnd251381 year ago

MrsCraig Thanks for the reply. I am in Ballynahinch. I am so shy and battle to make conversation easily so I have avoided going to the baby groups. My husband keeps telling me to go lol. I am terrible I know, my own enemy lol

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig1 year ago

RebeccaAnd25138 never actually been to Ballynahinch but I know where it is. Don't worry I don't go to the baby groups either, they can be a bit intimidating on your own, especially if you are a first time mum and everyone else there is already friends.

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Mummyk
Mummyk1 year ago

I will be honest here, i hadnt many friends since growing up. I was pregnant at 17 & a mum at 18. Didnt have many friends.

I generally keep myself to myself.

However, through latest deals, I've met some of nicest people i know.

I can genuinely say, this platform LD is more than just deal hunting.

I've met friends through here & they lift my spirits.

Im sorry you feel this way, maybe we could set a weekly chat up to help each other & just somewhere we can all chat & meet new people who love deals.

This is such a great topic, not in a bad way, it can bring people together ❀

Have a lovely Saturday all

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 year ago

Lovely post Mummyk

I was thinking that we could maybe set up some sort of book club for anyone who likes reading? I don't like being told what to read as there are so many genres I don't like, but we could choose our own book and at the end of a month share our thoughts about it.

We can also do the weekly chat you suggest, maybe those of you with babies can have a babychat πŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ΆπŸ‘ΆπŸ‘Ά

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Mummyk
Mummyk1 year ago

Lynibis great idea!

Maybe get more of newer members involved, loney or shy people.

Sometimes i think the person maybe shy to talk. So could be a great ice breaker!

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 year ago

Mummyk ok let's go for it, you start a topic for babychat and I will do bookclub. I don't expect loads of response as not many people seem to visit chat, but hey it doesn't matter how many.

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RebeccaAnd25138
RebeccaAnd251381 year ago

Lynibis sounds like a great idea

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Lynibis
Lynibis1 year ago

RebeccaAnd25138 they are both up and running so do join in😁

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Mummyk
Mummyk1 year ago

Great idea!! Have a great weekend

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