Becoming Physically Disabled as the Years Go by and Struggling Asking for Help
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Since 2011 various illnesses and diseases are starting to leave me more and more physically disabled. I was always almost fiercely independent- never asking for help. I’m trying my best not to get stroppy as if truth be told I’m lucky to be alive. But I’m finding it difficult to ask for help - the stupid thing is I know all of my friends and family would do anything I asked of them. But I will write and re-write a text a number of times before I send it. I’m normally strong and not one for tears - but when someone is here doing something for me that I can no longer do I find myself crying and saying thank you over and over again. Is or has anyone one else gone or going through this ? Do you have any tips to help me cope with asking for and admitting I need help ?
Following a back operation, I have reduced mobility and need to rely on others a lot more to take me to hospital appointments etc.
I feel the same way, but I have to remind myself that when my Mum was ill I was happy to help and kept reminding her how much I loved her, as she hated accepting help. I know she found it easier to accept help from carers, as it was their job.
beccatavender I never thought of it that way round. I’ve always been there when anybody else needed help. I suppose I need to look at it from their point of view. Thank you x
A different situation to yours, but our son needed looking after 24 hours a day. My husband and I took it in shifts. Like you I didn't want to ask for help as I felt I needed to do it all on my own. I remember my parents coming to the house when we finally got home from hospital and saying, I've made you food for the week so you don't have to worry about it. I realised that I needed help, sometimes it was just a shoulder to cry on, other times it was asking my mum to go food shopping for me or my mother in law watching our son so I could have a shower.
It is hard to ask for help, but loved ones don't mind helping, because they love you and they want to help.
MrsCraig thank you for commenting- it’s starting to make me realise I shouldn’t be ashamed to ask for help ! Xx
Reflect on the untold good you have done for others over the years and would probably still do If able. That might help put things into a different perspective. Maybe the person/people who help you will benefit by doing so as well. We are here to serve others not self. My husband thought he was a burden before he died. I would willingly wait hand and foot if he were alive today.
MelissaLee1963 I nursed my mum at home as she died of cancer. It didn’t even occur to me to put her in a hospice- I know how tough your journey must have been. Tomorrow I am helping one of my daughters to collect a freezer and then she is coming to my house to carry all the rubbish bags to the bin. I feel better if I’m helping them too x
It’s very difficult to ask for help as I know only too well as you feel a burden but friends and family will see your needs and offer to help. Be brave and speak out when there’s something they can do that you can’t.
Pjran as I’ve said above - I feel able to ask if I’m doing something for them at the same time. But there isn’t always something they need me for. After being independent it is difficult to ask for help but I think I will get there slowly. Your comments all mean so much to me x
suevernon1968 just be brave and swallow your pride and ask whether it’s a simple task like changing a light bulb or putting something away on a high shelf.
Never feel bad for asking for support from friends and family.
Hope you feel better soon, my thoughts are with you.
Omg don't even feel bad for asking for help these people love you and would probably love to help but want on you to ask
suevernon1968 your brave to share this and I do hope your health issues do improve even if they dont disappear completely .
I do feel sometimes that people who don't ask for help maybe do it on the basis of how they think people will react but when your body needs help and assistance if a person can see it they will step up without needing to be asked .
If your asking for help with maybe applying for benefits I would definitely recommend a trip to the citizens advice bureau as they don't judge and will always be there to help .
stuartsmith544 thank you so much for your comments. Luckily my benefits were sorted by a chap that works for the CAB and MacMillan - and had previously worked for the benefits agency so he was brilliant.
I have my benefits checked too as the cancer unit that I attend has a MacMillan office there. Here is something people don’t normally share - I get a whopping great £970 a month to survive on - I have forgone some of my PIP to have a car - always trying to look for a silver lining. Everyone on here certainly helps.
The comments on here are so appreciated- sometimes I think I’m the only person who feels like this - but now I know I’m not. I’ve got to put my big girl pants on and learn to ask for help ! X
suevernon1968 The biggest step is accepting you do want help . Saying it is a huge part of lifting the weight off your shoulders and in turn it will bring a better quality of life .
stuartsmith544 thank you. I’m doing my best to get there. I’ve just bought an office chair on wheels so I can get around my big kitchen easier! X
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