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Thinking Of Applying to Foster Again

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When I took early retirement in 2011 I applied to become a foster carer. I went through an agency and passed the course, but had to have 1 visit per week for 6 weeks from an agency lady who delved, quite rightly, into every aspect of my life.

I am a friendly soul and always greeted her with a smile, tea and biscuits etc and we'd sit across the kitchen table chatting. I can talk for Britain and am very open so I assumed it was better to give plenty of info but after a couple of weeks I could sense hostility from this lady, think Hyacinth Bucket, the Patricia Routledge character! One time she asked about my Christmasses as a child but as I talked she suddenly threw her biro at me shouting....oh for goodness sake Lyn, answer the question!!!

Anyway, long story short, 6th week I held open door but she declined to enter and said she had just come to tell me I had been declined. Apparently I was not transparent enough about my ex husband. Haven't seen him for well over 30 years, he lives abroad, has remarried 3 times, end of. But she obviously didn't believe me.

I am thinking of re-applying as I work with cared for kids and my boss thinks I would make a great carer as he has seen the relationships I build with the kids. My sons say they can't think of anyone better to look after deprived kids. But I don't think my confidence could take another knock.

Lynibis
28 days ago
What do you think of this?
Ann1984
Ann198428 days ago

Don't let one woman knock you back. Give it a go you sound like the perfect candidate.

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TheChimp
TheChimp28 days ago

Lynibis

Please don't let it get you down too much.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
28 days ago

TheChimp Ann1984 thanks guys, don't worry, I am well over that little unpleasantness but am worried the same (supposed) problem will arise again. I know that a new reg came in when a foster carer killed a child and the ex said he should have been asked about her. However, that may have been the case in that one instance but my ex was a psychopathic abuser and it makes me shudder to think that his say so could decide my fitness to look after a child. Plus I still don't know how to contact him and any move toward doing so could open my family up to a future of anxiety.

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lilyflower
lilyflower28 days ago

Lynibisyou sound a wonderful person with lots of affection, care and skills to give to these kids. I wouldn't let that one person put you off, perhaps she wished she'd had your childhood/Christmas. During the vetting process if they'd really wanted to check your ex they would have found him. I understand you not wanting to contact your ex, I wouldn't want a new job hinging on what mine had to say.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
28 days ago

lilyflower thanks for the vote of confidence. Actually I had a pretty **** childhood but it made me determined that my own kids and grandkids would never feel as I did and we did all the things I would have loved to do. Baking, watching films together, cuddles, bedtime stories, swing parks, outings to theatre, cadbury world......the list is endless (and sure it is the norm in many households) but even now I still have the ability to put myself into the shoes of those lost and lonely kids (I am sure I am not unique in this) and I know exactly how they feel. I love to teach and impart knowledge but could never be a teacher as I wouldn't be able to cope with the disruptive kids en masse lol. My sister is a foster mum and I am part of her care network. Stayed to look after her when she had an op a while back and the two boys wanted me to read their story every night.....luckily my sister didn't take umbrage lol, she was glad to have a break!

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AgnesFaludi
AgnesFaludi28 days ago

How can they decide on u because of your ex husband. He has nothing to do with you anymore.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
28 days ago

Exactly Agnes, it is one of those cases where one rule does not fit every scenario.

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig28 days ago

I had the most wonderful foster parents before I was adopted. My parents and my foster parents kept in touch, I used to see them growing up and they were at my wedding.

Foster parents are a special breed of people in my opinion and knowing what I do about you from here, you would make the most wonderful foster parent and would have such a positive impact on a child's life.

I think you should go for it as you would be wonderful.

Your ex husband has nothing to do with it, especially when you havent seen or spoken to him in 30 years!

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
28 days ago

Ah thank you MrsCraig, I honestly wasn't looking for plaudits when I wrote this but was offended that my ex, who was frankly a brute, can have an impact on my life 30 years on. And also the person he knew then is certainly not the person I am now so it is unfair for him to even have an opinion.

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig28 days ago

Lynibis I completely agree that he shouldn't have any sort of say. He has no idea who you are now and he shouldn't still be allowed to have an impact on your life.

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Getsome
Getsome28 days ago

I would have been declined the moment she threw the pen and told me to answer the question, so well done for not kicking her face in.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
28 days ago

Believe me it really tested my non aggressive stance lol......😂

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emmabeckz
emmabeckz
Mentor
28 days ago

Can you not try with a different agency or call them and explain what happened last time and ask for a review - it was quite a while ago and I know they are crying out for foster carers. Sounds like very unreasonable behaviour to be throwing pens at someone!

Good luck - times have changed now and hopefully that particular woman will no longer be in that position

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
28 days ago

Thanks Emma, yes if I proceed I will go through the council as I indirectly work for them now. My boss and those at the contact centre will, I'm sure, give me a reference.

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AliceBell64468
AliceBell6446828 days ago

Hi Lynibis from what I have seen of you on here, someone would be lucky to have you as a foster mother. I hope you find another agency who will happily assist you x

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
28 days ago

Thank you so much Alice that is very kind of you.

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