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If you had friends and they don't contact you or show up for you, do you still call them friends or acquaintances?

mumstheword26
2 weeks ago
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JLouM

I don’t have any friends at all, just acquaintances. Friends require effort both ways and I never found it.

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mumstheword26

JLouM perhaps you never found anyone who matches your energy x

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JLouM

mumstheword26 I don’t know but it wasn’t lack of trying. It always had to be their way, no bending for what I wanted to do ever and I just got fed up and didn’t think it was worth it.

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mumstheword26

JLouM you're so right. There was an imbalance there and you knew it. You had every reason to get fed up with it. You did your best and that's all you can do. If its always about them and never about you that's one sided and unequal.

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Pjran

If you’ve asked them to help you and they didn’t bother was it a case that they genuinely couldn’t drop everything?

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MrsCraig

It depends on the situation. Our son was born with a rare and complex heart condition. He needed surgery at 22 hours old to breath on his own. He was very ill and needed 24/7 care. It was a very tough time. People who were supposed to be our best friends stopped talking to us. People who we didn't expect to be there for us stepped up. There were a few friends that I stopped to because they weren't there for me and I had bigger things going on. It wasn't a case of I was asking them to drop everything, I wasn't even asking for help. Just for someone to talk too and they weren't there.

I've learnt that friendship is a 2 way street. I have 4 close friends who I can rely on for anything. We don't see each other all the time but I know I can pick up the phone and they will be there for me and vice versa.

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mumstheword26

MrsCraig when you go through difficult times you soon find out who's there for you and who isn't. We shouldn't need to ask, like you say there are those who just step in xx

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MrsCraig

mumstheword26 I remember sitting in the hospital bed, it was 2 days after he had been born and we finally told people what had happened. My husbands Granny looked at me and said "you will quickly learn who your friends are". She couldn't have been more right.

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Leannexxx

I've got one friend who will help and be there for me anytime same with my other half his best mate of 18 years they phone each other every day the rest are acquaintances my old best friend cut me off because I didn't go to her son's christening i did phone to let her know to say I couldn't make it her son was born the day before my daughter just I had issues after giving birth she wasn't having any of it oh well

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mumstheword26

Leannexxx then she's not a true friend. She's acting selfishly for what she wants and not caring about what's going on your life xx

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slightfoot

I don't really have any friends, I had two best friends when I left school but they both went away for uni then stayed away after uni so we just grew apart, I now have a few people who I'm friendly with, but it's not the same level of friendship.

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mumstheword26

slightfoot there's always opportunities to make new friends xx

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janphoenix51

I have a good friend of 50 years T,

her birthday is day after mine on 25th May & she's 3 years younger, we grew up together on the same road, T's parents were friends of my parents,her Mum walked out on her Dad, her Dad brought 5 children up, 2 were his ex wife 's from another relationship..

T's Dad was a lovely man who stepped up when Mum went to pieces after our Dad died of cancer a month off his 60th Birthday, he sorted Dad's funeral, he was a really good friend to her & us 6 children,doing everything from fixing plugs to burying my beloved cat Tigger when she passed away..

T's Dad & our Dad & Mum are now in Heaven no doubt sharing stories, laughing & having a cuppa, just like the old days..

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mumstheword26

janphoenix51 that's such a lovely person that steps in like that and helps without expecting anything in return. That's a true gem in this life xx

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Pinkspirit

I don't and have never had any real / true friends. Only work colleagues but I've never seen them out of work

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mumstheword26

Pinkspirit always time in life to meet new people xx

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janphoenix51

My good friends go back years..

J & I go back to when she was a year old sixth former helping out with the younger children from her Lancashire School at the Outdoor Pursuits Centre I worked & lived in at..J & I hit it off after she used to come down 3 weekends in winter & 5 weekends in summer with her school, we were inseparable, we have always been there for each other J turned 55 in April & I turned 59 last Friday...

I have a close friend S who I have know since my 80's Youth Training Scheme, we have always been there for each other,I'm 59 now & she's 58 on Boxing Day..

I have a framed photo of us aged 19 & 20 ....I also have a framed photo of us when I turned 50 & she was 49..

I have a few good friends & our friendships go back over 40 years, we are always there for each other...

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mumstheword26

janphoenix51 that's so nice being friends for all those years. Love the photo idea xx

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Lynibis

It is strange you mention this as I have spoken about this before with my so called bestie of 40 years.

For last 8/10 yrs we have always had meal and movie Saturdays at mine but she has never contributed and I have never complained. However with other friends I have for lunches or meals and cost of living I said we'd have to do it monthly rather than weekly and she was fine with that. I also invite 2 other mutual friends. I see her every Tuesday for a club and reminded her about movie night, sent an email with film choices and also texted on the day. She didn't show up!

Food was wasted and on the Tuesday she texted saying she was too poorly for club but would phone me later. I advised her not to as I was upset about having had no explanation or apology. No reply but the next Tuesday she texted again about club so I am sorry to say I childishly ignored it.

I have now decided the friendship is over as I am sick of it being one sided and providing all the meals, lifts and outings, last one to Hever Castle paying for her and her grandson!

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mumstheword26

Lynibis you always get that in life when one person does everything and the other does nothing. Have you ever thought about talking about the issue? She may not realize, some don't til it's pointed out. Perhaps there's a reason behind why she doesn't contribute. I know it's annoying when people don't show when you make an effort. If itsxa repeated pattern then yes I'd let her go because life is about equal give and take xx

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Lynibis

mumstheword26 thank you. Yes I sent her an email earlier this year explaining that I would sometimes prefer her to decide on an outing or dining out or just going out walking. I made the decision for her to come to me for movie and meal as she had 2 Sharpei dogs who frightened me to death! They have now died so no reason why she can't invite me round.

I had no reply to the email, just a passing mention when I brought it up. I am thinking she is going the way of her mum who had severe dementia. If she is then there isn't much I can do by way of caring and she has a son and family within walking distance.

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jms19

Think it all depends on the situation, as others have said. With my friends if we have a bit of conflict (which is very rare) i always try to see things from both sides.

If my friend didn’t check on me or help me out i’d ask if my expectations of them were unreasonable and also what they had going on at the time. I’d also ask myself if i checked in on them enough as well.

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mumstheword26

I'm talking about friends that you show up for and make time for but they don't show up for you the same way. It's one sided. The type that constantly make excuses like ive got an appointment but it's an excuse they always use it's never a yes come over or any type of invite from them.

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Lynibis

mumstheword26 my other friends don't reciprocate with meals etc round theirs, but they always contribute. I think nowadays many people don't have the time, money, ability or inclination to invite people round but I have always loved hosting.

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LigaKing

I’d say we all grow apart at times but finding the way back time at times is amazing feeling like coming home. I have friends as busy as I am and we celebrate getting together even if it’s once in 2 years. Getting in touch works both ways and should be as exiting for both of you. 🫶

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mumstheword26

LigaKing yes I agree. People are so busy in their lives that they forget it's important to connect as it can make precious memories some unforgettable. Life isn't about just work and money. It's about special moments shared

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martinlufc5637

Friends come and friends go, family is always there, they are the only people I am interested in

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stevea808

My best friend from school is still my best friend 48 years on. We're always there for each other if needed.

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mumstheword26

stevea808 that is precious. It's lovely to hear that you've both been there for each other for all those years. That's true friendship and a blessing

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stevea808

mumstheword26 Thank you for your lovely message. Have a great day

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HEDGEHOGS

I sometimes wish I had a close group of friends (gang) but I don't, I do though meet up on a regular basis with about half a dozen friends that i've made and kept over the years from work, some I meet for a lunchtime meal and others just for a cuppa. Always nice to catch up and have a chat.

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mumstheword26

HEDGEHOGS yes I agree it's nice to catch up with others. You don't really need a gang of friends. You just need friends you can rely on and show up for you.

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Jerseydrew

I've loads of acquaintances but a nice small group of friends not many but enough. I've a small group online that I talk with as well

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eyeballkerry

My only true friend is my husband. My adult children are also considered friends although still my children. I have been let down in the past by many so don’t make true friendships anymore.

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mumstheword26

eyeballkerry don't allow past people to prevent you from making new friends. They just showed you who they were. When you think about it you naturally pull away from those people who don't serve you for your highest good.

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possy

If that was a friend that done that, I would take a step back, and then they would become an acquaintance. Sometimes on life you Just need to step back

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EmmaWright762

Friends come in 3 varieties beer buddies, mates and true friends. Beer buddies will be your friend for as long as you are buying the drinks. Mates are people you know who are friendly but don't get too involved. And a true friend is there for you no matter what. Acquaintances, hmm, well I think that's the same as mates.

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DeBunny

I have some friends that would be there emotionally when in the time of need, I still class them as friends. We don't have to see them often to be classed as friends BUT they have to care about you, take time for you (if they can't be physically then emotionally) you need some sort of understanding from each other, I understand some people have different priorities or needs.

It can be hard to find good friends.

I think it depends on how both sides feel about each other. I prefer to call people friends if we hang out and look out for each other but there are different strengths and types of friends. An acquaintance to me is someone you know by just name or face and only chat if you bump into them occasionally, no contact details etc.

I'll be honest I am scared to get close to many people though as I've had a lot of loss in my life and it isn't always due to a person's age either 😔

I always try to be there for everyone I can, but not let them walk over me at the same time.

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