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Are You a Good Judge of Character?

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Have just watched Priti Patel being interviewed on TV. (Please don't make this a political topic as it isn't) I was aware of her previous problems and calls for resignation over bullying etc but didn't pay much attention.

Wow, did she come across as a pompous and supercilious person, I could immediately see why she has been criticised. Her demeanour was pompous and condescending.

I have always felt I am a good judge of character and I know immediately if someone is a pleasant or unpleasant person, if they are being themselves. However, some people are extremely good at acting the part and trusting people can be easily taken in.

Lynibis
28 days ago
What do you think of this?
Johnny
Johnny28 days ago

Hi Lynibis

Are You a Good Judge of Character?

Well, there's a good question.

I guess like most people I just assumed I was. Recently I discovered I was wrong.

About three years ago, I became firm friends with a man who turned out to have a narcistic personality disorder. My wife recognised it long before I did, and I spent some time researching and reading up on it.

On the surface he was charming, jolly, and good fun. Albeit he drank too much. Under the surface he was extremely manipulative, controlling, and unpleasant towards his wife, constantly undermining her self-confidence. I dumped him as a friend and am annoyed with myself for the time, the effort and the trust I put into the friendship. I still feel oddly betrayed, disappointed, conned (it's hard to find the right word). I am glad to say that with some help and support his wife eventually left him.

Now I know the signs of a narcistic personality disorder, I recognise it much earlier and am a lot more wary, avoiding becoming close friends with people when I see it.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
28 days ago

Good example Johnny. So many people seem to have personality disorders these days (or maybe they always did). If someone is disagreeable or unpleasant upon meeting you have the choice to avoid them, but when they present as charming, friendly and charismatic it is hard to judge, as with your friend.

My ex husband was the life and soul, handsome, friendly but behind closed doors he was an abuser. For years no one believed me and as he was a copper (ex Navy) his colleagues believed his lies about me being mentally unstable and a liar. In my defence I met him aged 15 so easily led, but he is now on 4th wife and held a gun to the head of the second!

I read a book called How to Spot a Psychopath and he ticked 8 of the 10 boxes.

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lilyflower
lilyflower28 days ago

Hi Johnny I'm not being flippant but I didn't know you knew my ex that it a perfect description of him.

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lilyflower
lilyflower28 days ago

Lynibis My ex was/is an upstanding member of the community - apparently, no-one other than my sister could understand why I left.

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Johnny
Johnny28 days ago

Lynibis lilyflower

These problems seem all too common and it's absolutely awful for those people trapped in mentally and physically abusive relationships. When your confidence has been completely eroded it's very difficult to break away and takes a lot of courage. I think many people stay far too long. Glad to hear you both escaped.

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beccatavender
beccatavender28 days ago

There are some people I instantly don't like, but I don't know why and so keep my distance. I say I am a very trusting person and try to see the best in people. My husband says I am a little naive.

However my Father was very charming, life and soul of the party but when he had a drink he turned into a monster and was physically and mentally abusive to my Mum, who happily left him when I was 7. So, I think part of me is weary of new people. Plus I am very unforgiving, if you let me down once you, then you have lost my trust and I find it very difficult if not impossible to give it back. I am not talking about not turning up for something.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
28 days ago

Your first sentence is called gut instinct but sadly we have become too sophisticated to rely on it nowadays. But it is the body's way of warning us although our brain and heart often tell us otherwise thinking they are smarter.

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig28 days ago

I would say I am a good judge of character. I met a friend of my mother in laws just before she got married. I only saw her for about 10 minutes, I immediately told my mother in law to watch her back as her friend was a snake in the grass and I didn't trust her. My husband said the same thing. We were correct as she was manipulative, played friends off each other, took advantage of people, amongst other things. Luckily my mother in law listened and the second her friend tried to do it to her, she stopped talking to her and stopped seeing her. She heard some shocking stories from other friends.

I do try to see the good in everyone, but there are certain people that I immediately mistrust or dislike and I'm normally proven right.

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