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Parents Who Need a Good Telling Off.

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I am not breaking any confidentiality by writing the following but it is something i feel so strongly about. For the umpteenth time I have taken a child to contact only for the parent to not show up. I then have a distressed child to take home, a child who has been so excited and happy to be seeing mummy or daddy and ends up with a dark cloud over his head for the rest of the day.

I hate parents who do this. Can't even be bothered to pick up the phone to let the contact centre know so their child is not distressed. Some of these kids have it happen time and time again.....It is disgusting. Then when the child is grown they suddenly appear on programmes like the now defunct Jeremy Kyle show wondering why their adult child wants nothing to do with them and trotting out loads of excuses.

Lynibis
9 months ago
What do you think of this?
nipperjwb
nipperjwb9 months ago

Things like this absolutely break my heart. I really cant bare it. How can a parent not be bothered to see their child under any circumstances. I lost my adult son almost 2 years ago. Yes he was 27 but i still saw him daily and the thought that i will never see him again breaks me. I do not understand how a β€˜parent’ can treat their child in this way. Im glad i don't do your job I don’t think I could keep my temper. Hats off to you for the job you do. Thank god these kids know that in you they have at least one person that actually cares about them.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
9 months ago

Thanks nipperjwb, I do try very hard to make sure their travel time with me is happy and fun, and most are with brilliant foster carers. There is no age limit on heartbreak for a lost loved one, I feel for you deeply. Even if you have not experienced the loss of a child you only have to imagine your own child not being there to understand the pain.

In my previous life as a registrar a jolly 90 year old came in to register the death of his daughter but half way through he broke down crying 'it should have been me, it should have been me'. No matter their age a lost child breaks the heart of parents. Though one wonders about the parents I describe in my original comment.

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nipperjwb
nipperjwb9 months ago

Lynibis definately. Thank god for people like you !

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
9 months ago
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angemski
angemski9 months ago

Once again, I am in agreement with you. There is nothing that disappoints me more or saddens me than the actions of adults or reluctant parents as I've sometimes labelled them. I realise that they, themselves, may have endured a poor quality childhood but I can't understand why they would want to perpetuate it. Clearly, they live like that's the norm and have never dealt with anyone reliable but I wish they could be locked in a room - with a cctv monitor - and witness the effects of their cavalier principles on their children.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
9 months ago

I am really sorry to be blunt (human rights and all that) but I wish they could be sterilised.😟

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Tasha042
Tasha0429 months ago

That is very sad to hear. The child will inevitably blame themselves and feel that they are not good enough for the parent. In reality it's the parent who is not good enough. Let them know that they are perfect, they have done nothing wrong and they deserve so much better than that.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
9 months ago

What I find surprising but understandable, is that most children given the choice would sooner be in a bad home with natural parents than a good home with strangers. Love for parents despite neglect is very powerful. But when kids are in care long term you can see the parental bond gradually disintegrate and they attach to the carer if it is a long term placement. Some older kids even choose to discontinue contact with parents when they begin to see and understand their shortcomings.

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Tasha042
Tasha0429 months ago

Lynibis aww poor children πŸ˜₯ Are you a foster carer? I think everyone has this huge desire to be loved and accepted by their parents. I don't think that ever really goes away. You can spend your whole life trying to get that and thinking the problem lies with you but actually it's always the parents that are the problem.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
9 months ago

Tasha042 no, sadly not. But my sister is. If you read my reply to MumOfThree I explain why.

You are right sometimes kids spend their whole lives longing for love and acceptance from parents who are unable to give it.

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MumOfThree
MumOfThree9 months ago

Really sad I feel so sorry for the children involved. I can only imagine what that must be doing to their self esteem and worth and it's not good 😞 children grow up way to quickly and the parents went realise it till it's too late. I don't think I could do your job it's sound soo upsetting I'm in awe of you thanks for doing what you do.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
9 months ago

Thank you but it really is not an important job. It is the other workers in the social services/care system that I feel for. I used to actually do the contact supervision and I must admit I found it very hard to be polite to the parents when they were in the room with a baby in plaster that they had abused.

I now just act as a passenger assistant and it takes no skill but I love to think the kids all see me as a kind granny. Most of them are such gorgeous kids, polite, funny, well mannered but older ones who came into care too late can have bad attitudes. One threatened me recently and it can be a bit scary as there is so much we are not allowed to do.

When I retired i had hoped to become a foster carer but sadly I was declined due to 'not being transparent about my ex husband'. I was gutted as I have not seen or heard from him since our divorce in 1986 when he went off to Australia. The irony is, they wanted his opinion of me as to my suitability but he was an abuser!

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
9 months ago

PS my sister is a foster carer and I am part of her support network so I also get hands on with the kids she fosters. Obviously everyone involved with kids in care has rigorous checks.

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MumOfThree
MumOfThree9 months ago

Lynibis that's lovely to hear I would to definitely like to do something like that. I don't get why some people have kids and abuse them and others are desperate to have children and can't have any.

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig9 months ago

I hate parents who don't make time for their kids! If you are not prepared to look after thema and give up your time, then you shouldn't have them in the first place! I fully believe there are some parents who don't deserve the children they have!

As I've mentioned before I'm adopted and have the best parents in the world, they are very much my real parents and I've always believed that it takes more than giving birth to be a mum!

It's a good thing these kids have you to show them that there is someone who cares about them.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
9 months ago

As always I agree with your sentiments but this goes far deeper. If it were only not spending time with them there would be far less kids in care. Many of these parents are guilty of severe neglect. 3 year olds who can hardly walk due to spending so much time lying in a cot, buggy or high chair, underweight due to spasmodic feeding, babies left for a dozen hours at a time without food or nappy changes, some taken into care and needing to be peg fed. I could go on and on but don't wish to cause upset. All I would say is that if anyone suspects a child is suffering please report, so many slip through the net. There is also a severe shortage of foster carers.

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig9 months ago

Lynibis oh I completely understand the issues of neglect and abuse are just shocking. We were taken into care for neglect and I'm just glad I was too young to remember it. I honestly can't understand how anyone could treat their child in the ways you have described.

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GlitchHunter
GlitchHunter9 months ago

Poor kids. If the parents don't see them over and over again, surely it would be in their best interests to cut contact and stop this heartbreak happening over and over.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
9 months ago

I agree but the system is flawed, badly. No two authorities have the same rules and family court judges set out the amount and duration of contacts.

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KirsteyJames
KirsteyJames9 months ago

People like this shouldnt be allowed to have children. My brother was heavily into drugs and so was his 3 kids mother. My mother ended up with custody after taking them to court after having them on and off for years, social services was adamant they should remain with their mother even after all police call outs, not turning up to court, them missing school, turning up to school in just a tshirt and knickers. I am only 5 years older than the eldest but i always remember the dissapointment when we used to take them to contact centres and their mother was a no show, but i loved having mcdonalds to cheer them up on the way home 🀣. They still have no contact with their mother who had another child that ended up in care and then another that was taken off her at birth. πŸ™ˆ Then there are so many people that would absolutely love children and cant have them, the world makes me sick sometimes.

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Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
9 months ago

You have it in a nutshell Kirstey, it is such a common story but most 'normal' people are often not aware of how common the problem is, nor the ins and outs of it all. I must admit our area seems to be quite strict in taking the children early and would not stand for what happened in your family. I can only think that this must have been quite a few years ago and things have changed a lot since then, and there is a changing climate of protecting children.

Unfortunately that same caring attitude of pc correctness means that 'human rights' are everything and you cannot stop people having babies, plus we do not know what sort of parent someone will be until they actually are one.

That is why I believe after 2 children in care there should be forced sterilisation as a child's right to a happy caring home should be of paramount importance. If you cannot get your act together after 2 then you have no right to be a parent. To be honest if I had my way, it would be after one child taken into care!

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KirsteyJames
KirsteyJames9 months ago

Lynibis yes all this went on between 1993 - 2000 so maybe things have changed. It took so long for my mum to be given custody even though the kids lives with us most of the time, she only had them back now and again to claim child benefits. Even when they were with their mother we was having phone calls in the middle of the night to collect them as the mother had been arrested. Social services were adamant they belonged with their mother, then one day when their mother actually turned up in court with social services fighting for her kids my mum stood up and asked β€˜do you even want the children?’ And she said β€˜Nahhh’ πŸ™ˆ The judge gave my mother custody there and then and my nieces were raised as my sisters. I agree with you, 1 child is enough to be let down and if that happens they shouldnt be allowed any more, but i wouldnt change my sisters for the world πŸ™‚

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