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Saying Thank You.

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ok, so, I'd like your opinion.

I'm stepmom of sorts to an adult and his gf who have had a child recently.

I buy things for them.. but, for some reason, I don't get a 'thank you'.

I know I should not expect one but surely?

Anyway I asked what the gf would like for her birthday and christmas as they are close. She said a printer, so we bought them a joint present for Christmas and her birthday.

It was a fair bit of money, £150 isn.. and we had it delivered.

They have had it about a week because we said we'd wait and get them a good deal. Unfortunately there was no deals on the one we got but it is a good one.

So, had it a week, and we didn't get a thank you, from either of them.

Am I asking too much or what?

I was taught to say thank you and this lack of appreciation and acknowledgement is really getting me down, I feel like I really don't want to buy them things now.

DebbieReed2020
23 days ago
What do you think of this?
Faye1
Faye123 days ago

Don’t make the effort and don’t buy them things. If they can’t make an effort to say thank you. then you don’t make the effort to take your time and money getting them gifts. And then drop it into conversation how rude it is when people don’t thank you

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Sanitation1234
Sanitation123423 days ago

Hi I was about to write a comment but read yours I don’t need to say anything you are right she shouldn’t waste her money on them if they can’t say only a word thanks or thank you I am agree with you 😊

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Dilligaf
Dilligaf23 days ago

I would be really peed off, manners don't cost anything but are used so rarely these days. I would stop getting anything and if it is commented on just say that as they weren't appreciated or gratefully accepted you though you would save your time.

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DebbieReed2020
DebbieReed2020
Original Poster
23 days ago

The problem with this though, is I've brought it up with his dad and it just causes arguments. He can't see the problem... we rang them today and asked them if they got it and he kind of got a thanks.. but why should we have to ring them?

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Dilligaf
Dilligaf23 days ago

DebbieReed2020 if it causes arguments so be it, you are obviously hurt and upset enough to gain other peoples opinions, that to me speaks volumes. What would you be advising others if you weren't in the position? I have been through a similar situation myself and I every time it happened it hurt me more than the last time until I realised enough was enough, I either carried on being made to feel worthless and receiving no gratitude or I stopped giving them the opportunity to do it by not given them a reason to be grateful. Nothing was ever said and I felt better in myself. Only you can make the decision though but one thing is clear, you either put up with it and carry on, say something and risk an exchange of words or stop giving altogether

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angemski
angemski23 days ago

DebbieReed2020 sorry I didn't see this response before my answer.

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Faye1
Faye122 days ago

DebbieReed2020 tell him you don’t think he brought his child up with manners. You are not being unreasonable to want a thank you.

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gerrykelly25
gerrykelly2523 days ago

I’m with you on this DebbieReed2020. I would feel hurt and annoyed at the lack of gratitude and simple good manners. I think you are being taken for granted....

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angemski
angemski23 days ago

You are not wrong! I wonder if there would be comment/reaction if you had 'forgotten'. Thank-yous come with no charge so they should have acknowledged. I'm still silently festering over a similar situation from Christmas to my nephew's partner. They moved in together with her child so we included her child together with my nephew's two. I am tempted to send a message asking if the money was received or would they like me to have a word with the person who was in charge of distributing it for us? (I know it was passed to them but doing this is really passive aggressive and it would be better not to send anything in future) As your situation is still current I would drop a message asking what they thought of your gift. Put it in their court and if they continue to be ill mannered put it down to experience and never put yourself in that position again. It's not worth the anger.

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RegularComper90
RegularComper9023 days ago

I cannot for the love me understand why saying "thank you" seems to be like a foreign language to some people. All it takes is just two simple and very quick one syllable words. How would those who are guilty of this feel if someone didn't thank them for generosities?

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DebbieReed2020
DebbieReed2020
Original Poster
23 days ago

Update - a phone call asking them if they had the computer, got me a Facebook message from her saying thanks it looks great. Why do I not feel any better?

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Dilligaf
Dilligaf23 days ago

Because it was a forced thank you, not because they were grateful, I wouldn't feel better either

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angemski
angemski23 days ago

Not good enough. I wouldn't feel appeased either.

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ShellyAnn
ShellyAnn23 days ago

I would say they owe you a thank you every time you buy them something. I used to have to write thank you notes when I was child. Every christmas and birthday, I had to sit down and write a note to every person who bought me a gift. I was raised to always say thank you.

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Dilligaf
Dilligaf23 days ago

I still do send thank you notes and I'm 47 next month. They took time out to send me something, the least I can do is acknowledge it, a thank you means the world to some

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chelseaturpin
chelseaturpin23 days ago

Wouldnt bother buying anymore for them. Saying thanm yiu meand yorr grateful for someone helping you out. Ig they arent grateful then i personally wouldnt buy them things this is just my opinion.

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MrsCraig
MrsCraig23 days ago

You are not asking too much at all! My son has been bought things from friends of his grandparents and I make sure to thank them for the presents they have bought. It is about common courtesy, when someone gets you something, you thank them, simple as that. Don't buy them anything else from now on and if possible drop it into conversation about how rude it is when someone doesn't thank you for a present! Just today I got a parcel for my son with a beautiful hand knitted cardigan from his great auntie. You can bet she got a thank you and will get a picture of him wearing it too.

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HannahSunderlan
HannahSunderlan23 days ago

Im totally on your side! Im Currently locked in battle with my brother (he’s a teenager theres an age gap between us) he kept asking for my Netflix password but didn’t say please so I kept saying no and he couldn’t understand why. I told my mum who agreed with me he should use his manners and she told him to text me and say please, you know what he did instead? instead has got the password to my mums Netflix still hasn’t text me saying please And now has access to her Netflix! manners cost nothing! I wouldn’t buy stuff for them anymore x

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KirsteyJames
KirsteyJames23 days ago

I always say thank you to anyone that gives anything or does anything for me, my wife or kids. Its how i was raised. Maybe she wasnt raised with manners 🤷🏽‍♀️

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MeestairChrees
MeestairChrees23 days ago

Yeah, it's just rude to not say thank you. Especially for a present that expensive! Don't bother in future!

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gaelle0501
gaelle050123 days ago

I agree with everyone here, you buy a gift, they should thank you. Small or big gift, it doesn't matter... Just show appreciation of receiving a gift. I honestly wouldn't bother next year.

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LeighReidAtanas
LeighReidAtanas23 days ago

It costs nothing for manners and no you are not asking much for a please or thank you is should be common nature

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DebbieReed2020
DebbieReed2020
Original Poster
23 days ago

Ohhhhhh guys, I should have told you the rest.

I bought an expensive electrical toy for Christmas for the kiddie to be told that they don't want plastic.

Baby is 1. Computerised Toy is a walking aid.

They want to raise it with wooden toys, little television or screen time with a "certain" learning system that encourages wood.

How they bring their child up is there decision but, if you get a gift - you say thanks.

I'd forgot, they didnt say thanks for that - but I made a fuss.

You are right.. I'm not going to bother again.

.

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Dilligaf
Dilligaf22 days ago

I personally think you are doing the right thing with that decision. Yes they can choose how to being a child up and what they would and wouldn't like, but a gift is a gift, what is the saying 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth'?

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Lynibis
Lynibis22 days ago

When nieces, nephews and grandchildren arrive I always buy something special to keep for the first birthday and Christmas. Not toys. As they all got older and did not regularly see the nieces and nephews I began sending money. £10 each, then £15 and then £20 as years went by. My brother's 3 girls never acknowledged the gift in any way, nor did he on their behalf, so one year I just stopped, before they were 18 which was my normal cut off point. As they were youngest it wasn't a case of the others getting it and not them. Anyway my sister who lives near him said he had complained to her that I no longer sent money and she told him straight, 'well maybe if they had just once said thank you they might still be getting it'. Not only that, they barely acknowledge you in the room and have bad attitude.

I used to feel that I might as well step out my front door and post 3 £20 notes into the drain. Anyway, take what you will from this story but I have not a moment's guilt and feel strangely released. I have lovely relationships with my sister's kids, they often text and we send birthday cards, the difference is the way they were brought up.

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