1. Home
  2. Chat
  3. Single and Carefree or in It for the Long Haul?

Single and Carefree or in It for the Long Haul?

Other

My personal preference would be the latter but it is too late for me and it is not to be.

I can certainly understand sowing your wild oats, but then?

I think it must be wonderful to be with the same person your whole life through. To have love and laughter amongst the good and bad, to raise children together, if so blessed, and to watch them grow and have grandchildren. To go to family celebrations and have Sunday dinners together and to know deep in your heart that there was and is someone who loves you always by your side as you grow old. How fantastic.

I know life isn't a fairy tale and few accomplish that cherished state but if only.......... Image

Lynibis
1 year ago
What do you think of this?
hspexy
hspexy1 year ago

It’s never too late in life to find companionship, and never give up on it. With that being said, I have never believed people should actively look for it either - it’s just something that just happens, and the only thing people should do is be open and honest about themselves, and by doing that you may meet your kindred spirit. At the end of the day, you should always be with someone who knows you as you truly are, not for the sake of being with someone for fear of loneliness, etc. Just be who you are, as you are 😊

Like
Reply
Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
1 year ago

Hi hspexy. I am not looking for anything at my stage of life for as I said I would have loved the forever thing, growing together, living life to the full etc. I certainly do not want to take on anyone now with all the baggage we would both have and although I am not deliriously happy every day I am not unhappy but do mourn what might have been. Certainly not looking for something I now will never have. That is a waste of time and energy.

I would sooner be lonely than risk another mistake or take on someone whose family would resent a latecomer into 'their' home and resent their parent being with a new woman. I know some have happy outcomes but it is not a chance I am willing to take. I am not desperate, just a little lonely sometimes, but have a really loving family who I see lots of.

Like
Reply
1
MrsCraig
MrsCraig1 year ago

My husband and I are in it for the long haul! Together 7 years so far. We met when we were 21 on the first day of teacher training, been inseparable ever since.

We've been through a tough year and I wouldn't have gotten through it without him! Does his snoring annoy me at half 3 in the morning when I've been up with the baby for an hour and a half? Of course it does, but I would miss it if it wasn't there.

He loves me for who I am and vice versa. He always say I love him unconditionally. He refers to me as his moon and stars. We are not an overly soppy couple but do small things to say I love you.

It is never too late to found love. My mother in law was widowed at 23 and got remarried 3 years ago when she was 50. She didn't think she would find someone and she certainly wasn't looking but it happened.

My parents have just celebrated 45 years of marriage and been together for 46. I always remember my father telling me about when he proposed. They had been together 6 months. I said to him is that not a little fast and he said "When you know they're the one, what's the point in waiting!"

They've grown together, raised me, travelled the world and now have a grandson. I can't imagine them without each other.

Like
Reply
Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
1 year ago

Your last line says it all and is exactly what I mean. I have become very cynical in old age as I have seen so many people divorce (more than don't) and my own marriage started off as love's young dream. He was 16, we met on a ship but from boy to man he became an alcoholic, abusive and serial cheater. Finally he met a 21yr old in his early 30s and they married and went off to Oz, leaving me penniless and shattered.

Didn't do too bad though as I raised two wonderful sons, had a career in registration and own my own car and house. Lots of folk far worse off than me when it comes to relationships.

But I do yearn for what might have been, especially when I was alone at my sons' weddings and their wives had both happily married parents present.

Like
Reply
MrsCraig
MrsCraig1 year ago

Lynibis I'm sorry you went through that with your husband but at least you got your 2 wonderful sons. It's hard not to wonder what might have been. My mother in law was alone at our wedding, so my dad made the effort to dance with her and talk to her.

My Grandparents made it 50 odd years before granny died, they definitely taught me what love is and how it should be. When granny got ill and had to go into a care home grandad moved with her. He had a room down the corridor. He couldn't walk without a zimmerframe and took ages to get anywhere. He would walk to her room every morning, which took about 20 minutes, sit and hold her hand and talk to her, even when she couldn't talk back. He spent all day with her, even had his meals in her room. When she went, part of grandad went too and he just wasn't the same. He was half the person he used to be. Seeing him without her was heartbreaking. She had been his whole world.

Like
Reply
Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
1 year ago

MrsCraig it is sort of bitter/sweet isn't it? Lovely that they had all those years but heartbreaking when the end comes.

I must admit the parents of my DILs are great and they will tell them to spend Mother's Day with me as they have each other and other children. I obviously do not take advantage of this but it is so nice that they offer.

Like
Reply
MrsCraig
MrsCraig1 year ago

Lynibis it is definitely bittersweet. But I know they loved each other dearly and had a wonderful life together.

That is lovely of them, very thoughtful.

Like
Reply
1
nipperjwb
nipperjwb1 year ago

When i got married at 20 I really was in it for the long haul. I took my vows and meant them. Sadly 18 months later I was a 21 yr old widow with 2 young boys to care for. I am now 48 never married again though I have had long relationships. I would have loved to be the old fashioned family but sadly it was not meant to be.

Like
Reply
Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
1 year ago

That is a very sad scenario and the worse part (depending on how you look at it) is there is no fault on either side. I too have had two long relationships but there has always been trouble with the ex wife even though I had nothing to do with the break up, and lots of jealousy as I got on very well with the partner's children. I do wonder why people can't see the appeal of keeping families whole and putting a little more effort into relationships, the rewards are so much better than the heartache and strife of divorce and stressed kids. But then I am not stupid enough to think all marriages can survive as there are some folk it is just impossible to live with!

Like
Reply
1
KirsteyJames
KirsteyJames1 year ago

Its my 4 year wedding anniversary tomorrow and my wife and i have been together just over 9 years. We are planning on growing old together 😘

Like
Reply
1
Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
1 year ago

Hopefully your plan will come to fruition.

Image

Like
Reply
KirsteyJames
KirsteyJames1 year ago

Lynibis i hope so but with me being accident prone im not too sure 🀣

Like
Reply
sunny101
sunny1011 year ago

I feel for you - I know a little of your circumstances. It's a cruel situation when someone is saddled with a partner that disappoints and causes damage, as yours did. You are very lucky that you have such a wonderful family, though your sons, but I understand a certainly wistfulness. Here's where I play devil's advocate........ could you possibly tolerate living with someone now? How would you cope with the day-to-day habits of the invader?

Like
Reply
Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
1 year ago

No way Jose. As I said I am not wanting/looking to meet anyone but if it happened, serendipity calling, then I would never be more than a dinner/theatre/outing companion, which would be lovely.

I am so used to my own space, having total control of the remote, slopping around in my dressing gown, going make up free, cooking when I am hungry and coming and going as I like. And yes you are right, coping with another's habits would be difficult, as I found with my recent house guest.

I am so grateful for my family and the best sister too, we have never had an argument....ever. We have hols together and visit often, she was down last weekend with her two foster kiddies and we had a great time.

The wistfulness I can cope with as it only hits me occasionally, mostly when watching a soppy film or drama.

My only fear as I get older is if I were to collapse alone indoors but hey, there is always something we can find to worry about. All in all I am very grateful and consider my life blessed.

Like
Reply
1
sunny101
sunny1011 year ago

Lynibis My next few sentences may make you laugh but I am sure I've read it somewhere fairly recently. There are clubs that cater for more mature individuals that just want conversation and food/theatre....NO! not gigolos! πŸ˜„ There are some that are membership only (probably costs an arm and a leg) but there are other local groups that just want to be able to socialise and make new friendships. It may sound a little alien but not all of our friends have the same interests - how many of your friends would sit through a historical play? a specialised cuisine? an opera? a wine tasting? I may have to come back to this if I find some difinitive group names. πŸ˜‰

Like
Reply
Lynibis
Lynibis
Original Poster
1 year ago

angemski sounds nice. I must admit I will probably need something like that when I finally retire. It is too easy to become a hermit. That is why I posted the topic about U3A as I have a friend who is an active member and she is never in, have to book her well in advance for lunch!

Seeing another friend for a carvery on Friday evening and my best mate of 35 years comes round most Sundays and we eat and watch a film. Won't go to hers as she has two very large dogs!

Image

Like
Reply
1
One of the UK's largest deal hunting communities

Join for free to get genuine deals, money saving advice and help from our friendly community

Kelsey, Tom
& Deepak
Founders
Founders of Latest Deals
We use cookies (e.g. personalisation, analytics, social media). Find out more.