When Did We Go from Beating Kids to No Discipline at All
Other
Most of the children I work with are absolute darlings, especially if under 11. From 11 up it can be difficult as many teens have such bad attitude whether in care or not. However, I find I can break through with patience and perseverance.
Just recently my female driver and I took 2 brothers to contact. The youngest about 2/3 was a real cutie but when we picked up his brother from school, about 5/6, I greeted him with a smile and my name and was rewarded with a kick.
The car was about 25 yards away but as he kept trying to run off I had to hold his wrist firmly, over his anorak I might add.
As I leaned over to belt him in he raised his hand to smack me round the head. After contact his mother (who was an effing blinding type of woman with a very aggressive attitude) just stood by while her son was kicking me and driver, flicking a long elastic at us and generally being aggressive and out of control. The supervisor and us were totally intimidated by mother and son but hands tied as to our responses.
In short driver and I refused to do the job again, mainly due to mother.
Another PA and male driver now do it but this child is no better and has kicked the driver in his nether regions.
What scares me most is that this woman has a baby still in her care and I can see the younger brother going same way if discipline is not imposed quickly. Why has such a young child been able to reach such heights of bad behaviour? Dread to think how he will be as a teen!
Yeah I've taught pupils like that. I remember telling my depute that if a certain pupil was in my class tomorrow then I wouldn't be as I was not risking my own safety and that of my unborn child. Whilst I don't agree with beating children, there does need to be discipline. There are plenty of parents, unfortunately, who don't think it is their job to discipline their children and just ignore their bad behaviour.
MrsCraig decades ago many kids were ruled by the threat of father's belt, sadly that is still the case in many homes today.
But quite often parents seem to lack the ability to teach their offspring right from wrong and just turn a blind eye to bad behaviour. If not dealt with in the formative years they go on to become cheeky, disrespectful, rebellious teens. Many parents seem to be fearful of their kids but don't seem to realise this is seen as weakness and gives them the upper hand to continue being full of attitude.
Sadly he's likely learnt the behaviour from his mother so your probably right about the baby too. It baffles me how the mother is not utterly ashamed of the situation but that is probably part of the problem. Kids need love, respect and boundaries.
Midnightflower yes he definitely has. Although I didn't say above (too long already) I knew her when she had her first child as a teen (4 kids now) and had to supervise her contacts with the baby. She was rude and aggressive back then but I learned how to handle her without too much stress on either side. I guess she was badly parented too.
She recognised me, and I her, on this occasion and I must admit my heart dropped. Sadly she had not changed at all.
Lynibis it's surprising she has any children left in her care. I'm all for helping troubled families who want a better future, but some people really shouldn't have children at all.
Sadly we still have an "underclass" who believe that the normal rules of society don't apply to them . Obviously not the kids fault as I believe we are all born innocent . Our subsequent behaviour and standards are shaped by our family , education and role models . Even the most wayward of parents must realise that the only way their children can climb out of a similar existence is by education . Not by blaming everyone else and everything under the sun , as so many do .
Golfforall there is a saying 'you don't have to reach a child to be naughty, but you do have to reach them to be good'. So yes, I agree that they are born innocent but it doesn't take them long to learn how to get their own way with parents who give in far too easily. I have mentioned the YouTube video 'children see, children do' many times on here and parents are often the main reason for a child's bad behaviour because they learn by example.
so called bad behaviour is not always down to bad parenting. My son was finally diagnosed as on the autism spectrum after quite a few years of awful behaviours as he just could not 'process' the world around him. Once we understood what was going on and learnt about his condition we were able to help him and he has turned out to be a lovely polite young man. He still needs a lot of support as an adult. Sadly due to all the cutbacks its almost impossible to get diagnosed these days and even then there is hardly any support available for the schools. My son finally got at least some support. We are seeing quite a few of our friends who are not getting any at the moment and are helping them where we can to get the support they need. Sadly for some of them its just not going to happen as the councils are so strapped for cash.
didbygraham it goes without saying that there are always exceptions and fortunately we as a society have become better at recognising this.
mdwcv8 long before that. I blame a lot on the way teens are portrayed on tv. They are sullen, bad attitude, unsmiling, rude, cheeky etc and parents just roll their eyes and blame it on hormones!
We weren't allowed to have hormones when I was a teen as rudeness/backchat was not tolerated and stamped on immediately, it only took a couple of tellings off until we realised politeness and a good attitude got us a lot further.
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Bossclaz I was same with my dad and although his Victorian attitude meant I was a well behaved child, I also lacked any displays of love and affection from him, cuddles being unheard of.
As an adult I argued with him and said, 'you never even held my hand' and his reply was 'you never held my hand!'
However, what I missed in love in my childhood I lavished upon my sons with a healthy dose of discipline when required.
I read a story the other day about a 5 year old being charged with stalking, I thought what is a child that young doing being out without adult supervision.
metro.co.uk/2023/02/14/boy-5-accused-of-stalking-and-dozens-of-under-10s-suspected-of-rape-18284092/
When my son was young, if the school told me he had been misbehaving there were consequences.
Don't get me wrong, I never hit him, but he wouldn't be allowed to play with his friends or watch a favourite TV show. He learnt that bad behaviour wasn't tolerated. Sometimes, I used to lie and say I was going to buy you sweets/toy but I'm not now as you have been naughty. This did backfire as if he had so many stars for good behaviour, I felt obliged to buy him that treat 
beccatavender it is appalling. I have never understood why people have children if they can't be bothered to parent them. I watched a poor carer at the centre yesterday struggling to bring in 4 under about 5/6 and one a baby in a cradle. I just felt anguish for all concerned that the mother had 4 children she had placed in care but didn't have the sense to stop at one of two.
(I couldn't help as I had two cradles to take in)
Lynibis I think it's so sad, especially when you think how many people who desperate want children and cant. You have to think how chaotic their home lives must be, children need stability.
I had a slap here and there when I was a child didn't do me any harm at all issues is some people take it to far I've never hit my children myself don't get me wrong something they drive me mad but I've never got to that point of hitting them and I don't think I would
When kids have no discipline they are being set up for a life without friends and without love. Kids can still be kids but they need boundaries
Just an update: This child has had his contacts temporarily suspended due to yet more violent behaviour toward adults trying to accommodate him. Latest incident includes trying to stab staff with pointed objects.
This child seems to be past the point of no return as I can't imagine he will ever change.
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