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A Different Kind of GPS

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I thought i would share this with everyone

I am sure we have all got lost at one point using a GPS, maybe it sends you the wrong way or to a dead end

But our personal navigator is always reliable

I have a little Satnav

It sits there in my car

A Satnav is a driver's friend

It tells you where you are

I have a little Satnav

I've had it all my life

It's better than the normal ones

My Satnav is my wife

It gives me full instructions

Especially how to drive

"It's thirty miles an hour", it says

"You're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start

And when to use the brake

And tells me that it's never ever

Safe to overtake

It tells me when a light is red

And when it goes to green

It seems to know instinctively

Just when to intervene

It lists the vehicles just in front

And all those to the rear

And taking this into account

It specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver

Has so helpful a device

For when we leave and lock the car

It still gives its advice

It fills me up with counselling

Each journey's pretty fraught

So why don't I exchange it

And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,

Makes sure I'm properly fed,

It washes all my shirts and things

And keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages

And my tendency to scoff,

I only wish that now and then

I could turn the b@gger off.

telmel
a month ago
What do you think of this?
MelissaLee1963
MelissaLee1963a month ago

AH. The inimitable Pam Ayres. Still going strong I believe.

THEY SHOULD HAVE ASKED MY HUSBAND

You know this world is complicated, imperfect and oppressed

And it's not hard to feel timid, apprehensive and depressed.

It seems that all around us tides of questions ebb and flow

And people want solutions but they don’t know where to go.

Opinions abound but who is wrong and who is right.

People need a prophet, a diffuser of the light.

Someone they can turn to as the crises rage and swirl.

Someone with the remedy, the wisdom, and the pearl.

Well, they should have asked my ‘usband,

He’d have told’em then and there.

His thoughts on immigration, teenage mothers, Tony Blair,

The future of the monarchy, house prices in the south

The wait for hip replacements, BSE and foot and mouth.

Well, they should have asked my ‘usband,

He’d have told’em then and there.

His thoughts on immigration, teenage mothers, Tony Blair,

The future of the monarchy, house prices in the south

The wait for hip replacements, BSE and foot and mouth.

Yes, they should have asked my husband

He can sort out any mess

He can rejuvenate the railways he can cure the NHS

So any little niggle, anything you want to know

Just run it past my husband, wind him up and let him go.

Congestion on the motorways, free holidays for thugs

The damage to the ozone layer, refugees and drugs.

These may defeat the brain of any politician bloke

But present it to my husband and he’ll solve it at a stroke.

He'll clarify the situation; he will make it crystal clear

You'll feel the glazing of your eyeballs, and the bending of your ear.

Corruption at the top, he’s an authority on that

And the Mafia, Gadafia and Yasser Arafat.

Upon these areas he brings his intellect to shine

In a great compelling voice that’s twice as loud as yours or mine.

I often wonder what it must be like to be so strong,

Infallible, articulate, self-confident... and wrong.

When it comes to tolerance – he hasn’t got a lot

Joyriders should be guillotined and muggers should be shot.

The sound of his own voice becomes like music to his ears

And he hasn’t got an inkling that he’s boring us to tears.

My friends don’t call so often, they have busy lives I know

But its not everyday you want to hear a windbag suck and blow.

Encyclopaedias, on them we never have to call

Why clutter up the bookshelf when my husband knows it all!

He'll clarify the situation; he will make it crystal clear

You'll feel the glazing of your eyeballs, and the bending of your ear.

Corruption at the top, he’s an authority on that

And the Mafia, Gadafia and Yasser Arafat.

Upon these areas he brings his intellect to shine

In a great compelling voice that’s twice as loud as yours or mine.

I often wonder what it must be like to be so strong,

Infallible, articulate, self-confident... and wrong.

When it comes to tolerance – he hasn’t got a lot

Joyriders should be guillotined and muggers should be shot.

The sound of his own voice becomes like music to his ears

And he hasn’t got an inkling that he’s boring us to tears.

My friends don’t call so often, they have busy lives I know

But its not everyday you want to hear a windbag suck and blow.

Encyclopaedias, on them we never have to call

Why clutter up the bookshelf when my husband knows it all!

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telmel
telmel
Original Poster
a month ago

Very good repartee M, if anyone else has any to share it would be nice

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1
MelissaLee1963
MelissaLee1963a month ago

telmel I do quite a good recitation as well. Yes let's start a Poet's Society.

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telmel
telmel
Original Poster
a month ago

MelissaLee1963 Good idea M, as long its not the dead poets society , a good film that was

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MelissaLee1963
MelissaLee1963a month ago

telmel Big Robin Williams fan..sad demise.Loved him with De Niro In Awakenings.

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telmel
telmel
Original Poster
a month ago

MelissaLee1963 Yes he was a great actor M , but with many demons

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